Triple X

It doesn't take a lot of words for your ex to send you into a spiraling hole of psychotic analytical rage. As a matter of fact, it only takes two letters - H.I. Either a short SMS or an email subject. Those two letters could launch you into a verbal diarrhea of "why's," reconciliation possibilities and happy endings. But let this cynic slap you silly and crush your fantasies of sweet ales and pink roses:

• A message 2 days post-break up can only mean one thing: booty call.
• He messaged you because he's a.) bored b.) curious c.) exploring his options. But that doesn't mean he wants you back.
• Texting you has become a habit...and he's trying to break away from it. But then, that doesn't make you any different from a cigarette, does it?
• He's being selfish. If his famous last words were, "I can't be with you, but I can't live without you. Can we still be friends?" The correct response should be, "I have over 500 friends on Facebook. I don't need you. And can't you go any lamer than quoting Todd Rundgren?" (Turn around, and slowly walk away, hold your head high and swing your hips gracefully. But if hopping is more your thing, then hop away like a free Energizer bunny.)
• He's drunk-texting. Like drunk-dialing or drunk-tweeting. Don't be flattered that he's thinking about you when he's drunk, 'cause he's not. That fifth glass of whisky just turned his brain into a soft gelatinous mush. He probably doesn't want you back and is just being himself - stupid, that is.

We mark things "X" when they're wrong...have you ever realized that's probably why you call that boy your "ex"? Think, girl, think!

Sleeping on a Drunken Boat

If ever you happen to be in Chiangmai and need a place to crash, check out Le Bateau Ivre http://www.bateau-ivre-cm.com/index.htm. Well-located at the heart of the inner moat, this guesthouse is spanking new, super clean and has free wifi. Some rooms have great views of Wat Chedi Luang and it's nothing short of magnificent at night. Dimitri, the owner, is a friendly Frenchman who'll make sure you're nice and comfy in his 'bateau'.



141/8 Rajadamnern Rd., T. Prasing, A. Muang, Chiang Mai 50200,
Tel: +66 053272012

Merveilleuses vacances!

Don't Try to Spell Mississippi

Call me mean, but spelling anomalies give me the kicks every time I take a vacation. I mean, if you have smashed potatoes, french fried and sandwitch in your menu, how could you not?

Is your hair feeling kinky? Supaporn will fulfill all your desires! Try their unique service berounding.



Birdy- Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.



Got a sweeth thooth?



Broccoli, brocoli, broccolli? Spinich or spinach? Them vegaterains are complicated.


Would you like mushel in your eggs, sir?


The French have been known to drop their letters anyway - escargot, escagot...same same.

The Dark Riders

Dark Rider 1 - In case you misunderstood, the Priority Seat does not mean "first come, first served". It is meant for pregnant women, like that lady you just ignored because you were pretending to sleep. And did it occur to you that the creaking sound when the train comes to a stop might be coming from the joints of that old auntie hanging on to the railing as if her life depended on it? (and it probably does). You have 40 years ahead of you to be able to sit on a train. Give granny a break and let the remaining years of her commuting life be more comfortable. And oh. Note that your mental retardation does not count as handicap.

Dark Rider 2 - Thank you for sharing with us the story of your life. Whoever's on the other line of your mobile phone, do her eardrums a favor and keep your voice down. Or better yet, shut up.

Dark Rider 3 - In case you didn't notice, your butt is occupying two seats. Be considerate and sit properly. Otherwise, you've just conceded that you have a big ass and we should be charging you double.

Dark Rider 4 - The world is running out of space, and the 8:30 AM MRT proves that. I know you don't want to be sardined in the middle of the train, farthest from the door, but being the unbudging, inconsiderate jerk who refuses to move to the middle of the train wouldn't help you, me or that guy whose face is leaving oily imprints on the door as we speak, get to our destinations any faster. Just think of this as your daily rebirth experience - you push your way out into the world. And if you can't deal with it, stop being a douche and take a cab.

Dark Rider 5 - That curry puff you're holding is called "food". The process of putting that curry puff into your mouth is called "eating". That sign over your head that says "no food or drinks allowed" is called the "law". The person who eats despite reading the sign is called a "moron".

Who made it to the list?

Every new year, we are inundated with "the best of" and "the top of" lists of just about everything. I am guilty of succumbing to the cromo effect by publishing my own list of favorites for 2009. But since this is my blog, my space, my rules, note that this list is not open for comments and opinions. If you don't like what made it to my list, stop reading and go write your own.

1. Best Foundation and Concealer: MAC

MAC has the only foundation and concealer that don't make me look like I had an isolated face bleaching/tanning.

2. Best Breakthrough Product: Braun Cordless Curler

Curl your hair whenever and wherever! Powered by small gas cells, this curler is THE zeitgeist of the hairstyling industry. Love it, love it, love it!
*You can order it online.

3. The Best Dark Spot Remover: It's a tie! Triluma & Shiseido White Lucent


Dark spots and freckles be gone! If you're prone to acne scarring and pigmentation but cannot afford expensive dermatological treatments, give these a shot. Visible lightening between 1-2 weeks.

4. The Top Fitness Must-Have: Bodybugg

It still kills me that I cannot buy this in Asia! Bodybugg is a fitness toy that counts all the calories you burn from everything that you do. Don't get too extreme and wear this during sex - it will guarantee a spot on the floor or the sofa for the night.

5. The Best Google Product Breakthrough: Google Chrome

This was a tough decision because Google released so many great products like Android, Google Maps and Google Streetview. The one thing that sets Chrome above the rest - SPEED! I'm so spoiled by the Internet that I'm becoming a real brat when it comes to information: I want it, and I want it now!

6. The Best Shoe Store: Charles & Keith

Beautiful shoes that can never fit my size 9/10 feet have been the root of my shopping frustration. It's like finding the dress you really, really want only to find out your ass can never fit in it. But unlike your body which you can alter by losing weight, there is no chance in hell that you can shrink your feet, unless you cut off your toes. I thank Charles & Keith for exponentially increasing the number of shoes I own, and consequently, the need for a bigger shoe rack. (Now why not partner with IKEA and cut us a deal, eh?)

7. The Best Homeopathic Product: Apple Cider Vinegar

I have tried almost everything (save prayer healing) to get rid of these damn zits on my forehead and chin, until I stumbled upon an online article about a model using apple cider vinegar as part of her skin care regime. I've done crazy things before, like using mayonnaise on my hair and oats on my skin, so I figured it won't kill me to try. Every night after washing my face, I put a bit of vinegar on a facial cotton and use it as toner. The acid stung my eyes, and my face smelled sour, but I immediately noticed that my face got less oily and my pimples dried up overnight. Regular application, supplemented by apple cider vinegar tablets, put an end to my epidermal woes.

Keep Walking

There are people we randomly meet who leave us with the most powerful and meaningful words.

Today, I was crossing Lavender Street when an old Indian man suddenly started talking to me...
Old man: It's really hot today, isn't it?
Me: Yes.
Old man: I always carry my umbrella around, but never got to use it. You know, I like walking.
Me: Me too.
Old man: I'm 70 years old, and if I don't walk, I'll be dead.
We parted ways.

At the massage salon near my place:
Masseuse: How was your massage?
Me: It was heavenly! It sucks that I have to clean up and vacuum my room when I get home.
Masseuse: Why? Don't do that to yourself. You deserve to relax.
I went home and went straight to bed.

It's a Hissy Fit

I was walking past the living room when I noticed that Anaconda was playing on TV. Anaconda was the most UNrealistic, UNresearched, reptile-insulting movie ever made (Crocodile, Lake Placid and Godzilla don't fall too far behind). The anaconda would probably strangle itself to death if it saw the fallacy portrayed in this movie, or even sue Luis Llosa and his minion of writers for defamation.

To salvage the anaconda's tainted reputation of being a gluttonous predator, and for the peace of mind of our ophidiophobic friends (ophidiophobia is fear of snakes), here are some facts about the large Amazonian snake:

The anaconda is a boa constrictor. They're not poisonous and does not regularly hunt humans. Their diet is mainly composed of fish and reptiles, but they also pursue birds, small mammals-deer, piccaries, and rodents on land. It will take the snake approximately 4-6 days to fully digest the food because of their slow metabolism. Anacondas are nocturnal and sunbathe in trees or shallows during the day.

Which means that the anaconda we saw in the movie was one hell of a kiasu for hoarding the food supply while the rest of her species were tanning their skins. She must be suffering from severe indigestion and constipation too for eating too many humans at once.

P.S. The movie was such a waste of Jon Voight's talent. Nevermind Jennifer Lopez whom the anaconda can devour for her bad acting.