Two male Caucasians and three Pinays got off the cab I flagged down this morning. The driver told me, "Ang kukulit nung mga babae. Titirahin siguro sila nung dalawang foreigner." (The girls were so naughty. I bet the foreigners will screw them).
Five points for bluntness.
Me: Where did you pick them up?
Cabbie: Burgos.
Me: Ah.
Cabbie: Ma'am, I hope you won't think I'm a pervert, but I bet those foreigners are "big".
Me: Big?
Cabbie: You know. Big d***. Do you think they'll do the three girls? The one in black looks like he's good in bed. I saw his package, ma'am, it's big.
Me: But why were you checking out his package? Shouldn't you be checking out the girls?
Cabbie: I can't help it. He's wearing stretched pants.
Me (wanting to change the subject): Are you married?
Cabbie: Yes. Two wives. First one cheated on me so I dumped her. Maybe I wasn't big enough.
Changing the subject: fail!
Me: Well, it's not always about the size you know.
Cabbie: You know, I have a Japanese customer coming. He's very rich. I can introduce him to you. He's 58 years old.
This dude must be confused. The hookers got off at the Fort 15 minutes ago...
Cabbie turned pimp. Great.
Me: No way. 58??! He's older than my dad. That's gross.
Cabbie: But he has a lot of money.
Me: I don't care.
Cabbie: How tall are you?
Me: 5'7"-5'8".
Cabbie: You could be a model. Or a celebrity. I thought you were a celebrity. Para kang Maricar Reyes
Me: Who's Maricar Reyes?
Cabbie: You don't know her??! The one with Hayden Kho!
Was I supposed to know this woman? Must google this Maricar Reyes.
Cabbie: I know this director. But he only directs comedies. I think you need a manager.
From pimp to talent scout. Awesome.
I gave him a generous tip for the morning breakfast entertainment.
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Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Signed Sealed Not Delivered
I got a notice in my mailbox saying I have to pick up a package at the Taguig Post Office. Nobody seems to know where it is. Not surprised - turns out it's in the middle of nowhere.
The post office looked like an old warehouse (I suspect they have chicken coops at the back). One look at the place and I'm no longer surprised why we never get our mail.
I was asked to pay PHP40, but the man did not explain exactly why he's charging me PHP40. To cover the cost of delivering the note to my place? Then why didn't they just bring the damn package to begin with and we could've all saved ourselves a lot of trouble?!
The misery continues. I went to another door where I can pick up my package and I was appalled when they started ripping my box open in front of me. They said 'customs' needs to check it. Customs turns out to be this old guy digging into his lunch of boiled egg and rice. Mr. Customs asked me to evaluate the value of my package. I told him it's a used shirt and a pair of pants - they're not worth anything. He told me to estimate. I quoted a conservative amount, cause I know this bastard is going to tax me based on the package value. I told him PHP2000. He whipped out his calculator and started jabbing numbers...the total of my customs tax? PHP1200.
IS HE NUTS?????
I don't know what kind of math or economics he learned in school, but that's more than half of what my item is worth. I was seething. I told him I don't have the money, so he started "negotiating". He said okay, pay me PHP500 and you can walk away with your package. This guy had the nerve to hold me ransom with something that's rightfully mine! But when you're in their turf, you can't put up a fight. I allowed myself to be robbed of PHP500, which went straight to his wallet - literally.
I thought, if this kind of red tape happens in a measly post office, I can't imagine how much money is being extorted by bigger government sharks. People are trying to make a decent living and you steal their hard-earned money. Let me say this loud and clear: Shame on you. You disgust me.
The post office looked like an old warehouse (I suspect they have chicken coops at the back). One look at the place and I'm no longer surprised why we never get our mail.
I was asked to pay PHP40, but the man did not explain exactly why he's charging me PHP40. To cover the cost of delivering the note to my place? Then why didn't they just bring the damn package to begin with and we could've all saved ourselves a lot of trouble?!
The misery continues. I went to another door where I can pick up my package and I was appalled when they started ripping my box open in front of me. They said 'customs' needs to check it. Customs turns out to be this old guy digging into his lunch of boiled egg and rice. Mr. Customs asked me to evaluate the value of my package. I told him it's a used shirt and a pair of pants - they're not worth anything. He told me to estimate. I quoted a conservative amount, cause I know this bastard is going to tax me based on the package value. I told him PHP2000. He whipped out his calculator and started jabbing numbers...the total of my customs tax? PHP1200.
IS HE NUTS?????
I don't know what kind of math or economics he learned in school, but that's more than half of what my item is worth. I was seething. I told him I don't have the money, so he started "negotiating". He said okay, pay me PHP500 and you can walk away with your package. This guy had the nerve to hold me ransom with something that's rightfully mine! But when you're in their turf, you can't put up a fight. I allowed myself to be robbed of PHP500, which went straight to his wallet - literally.
I thought, if this kind of red tape happens in a measly post office, I can't imagine how much money is being extorted by bigger government sharks. People are trying to make a decent living and you steal their hard-earned money. Let me say this loud and clear: Shame on you. You disgust me.
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