Hush Little Baby - 10 Thoughts While Doing Baby Nights

I just had my first baby 3 months ago. While my perspective on motherhood deserves a blog post of its own, let me quickly paint a picture of what my "baby nights" look like with this running commentary...

1. It's midnight. I wonder if she's going to wake up for a feed. I'll wait a bit (checks Facebook).
2. Nope, looks like she's not going to wake up. I should really be following her sleep schedule but that last episode of Game of Thrones was so worth missing 2 hours of sleep.
3. And we're up at 2AM. Making formula...1 scoop, 2 scoops, 3 scoops...yawn.
4. Quick, plug it in before she wakes up the entire neighborhood.
5. Ah back to bed.
6. And we're up again at 5AM. Oh, fuck. POOPEXPLOSION!
7. Just got some on my finger. Now I'm really awake.
8. And now SHE's really awake too. Well, who wouldn't if you had that cold wipe sweeping down your ass...
9. You're cute but stop smiling and go back to sleep.
10. Ah shit, can't remember a lullaby. Oh well, Taylor Swift it is... 'cause haters gonna hate hate hate, shake it off! Shake it off!

The Modern Bride's Guide to Getting Married in the Philippines

PROLOGUE

I distinctly remember saying a decade ago that I will never get married. Then I started getting into more serious relationships and eventually warmed up to the whole wedding idea; what I really wanted was a quick, efficient and paperless wedding (read: Vegas). Seriously, who wouldn’t wanna be married in Vegas? There are no preparations required, it's cheap, it’s quick, it's legit and you can party like crazy on the strip afterwards.

But then a year ago, much to everyone’s surprise, I got civilly married to my French boyfriend of five years in Paris. I had the convenient excuse of not having to deal with the paperwork because I don’t speak French, and he took care of all the dirty administrative work that came with the civil wedding. All I had to do was order the flowers, buy some decors and pick my dress. The dress didn’t even have to be a fluffy white gown. I bought a simple white cocktail dress at 123 (read as un, deux, trois) at 50% off during the winter sale.

For a non-French bride in Paris, the biggest challenge was to find an English-speaking photographer and make-up artist who would understand exactly what I wanted. In the end, I chose Yolanda Villagran and Lexi De Rock. They’re Americans based in Paris and both are professional and pleasant to work with.

We had an amazing wedding in Paris. We did the reception on a boat that cruised around the river Seine while our guests had their fill of hor d'oeuvres and wine. I would’ve been completely happy with a civil wedding, but if you’re Filipino, the deal is not sealed unless you get married in the church. I should’ve known that the big church wedding that I’ve been avoiding since the age of reason was inevitable. I hope my post would help Filipina brides out there prepare for their big day in the Philippines. Best wishes!

THE WEDDING CHECKLIST

Step 1: Church

Budget: PHP10,000 – PHP50,000 (US$220 - $1120)

Booking a church in the Philippines is almost as difficult as getting into a three-star Michelin restaurant - you have to book a year in advance! I would recommend preparing at least 3 possible wedding dates in case someone else has already reserved your chosen date. Keep in mind that some churches no longer hold weddings on Sundays to avoid disruptions to Eucharistic celebrations.

We wanted to do our wedding in February to accommodate our family’s vacation schedule. I started looking for churches 8 months before the wedding, which in the Filipino wedding book is already too late. I was confident that February would be an "off peak" wedding month but boy, I couldn't be more wrong. The churches that we liked were fully booked. Here are the ones that we considered:

• Manila Cathedral - Closed and undergoing renovations
• San Agustin Church  - Fully booked 
• UST Santisimo Rosario Chapel – Great discount if you’re a Thomasian. Pros: the campus is beautiful, lots of parking space, the church aisle is long and they can turn on the air conditioner. Cons: church’s lack of charm and the possibility of college kids making a cacophonous mess on your wedding day.
• San Sebastian Church – We almost picked this church for its gothic style and historical ties with the French master architect Gustave Eiffel. We didn’t choose it in the end because we were concerned that the decadence and impossible traffic jams along the university belt wouldn’t leave the best impression of Manila to our foreign guests who’re visiting the country for the first time. 
• Malate Church – Beautiful church but too fussy and inflexible with the requirements. Immediately crossed it out of my checklist.
• San Beda Church – Exclusive for alumni that they won’t even open the doors to the public. Whatever. #gouste
• Caleruega – Clearly a popular choice among couples. They were fully booked until the second half of the following year. Make sure to book early if this is THE church for you.
• Our Lady of Lourdes Church (a.k.a the Tagaytay church) – We were getting desperate and figured that if we can’t find the beautiful, historical church that we wanted, then we'll just find an OK church but book an awesome venue. We tried to find a place in Tagaytay overlooking the Taal Volcano but most of the venues were too small for the number of people we planned to invite. There’s nothing really extraordinary about this church so we gave up on Tagaytay as a wedding destination.

 We drove further into Batangas and finally, we picked…

Lipa Cathedral/San Sebastian Cathedral!

(Photo by Danon Gabriel The)

We immediately fell in love with this 17^th century church, with its grandiose architecture and charming interior. As luck would have it, the date we wanted was still available. The price is decent at PHP10,500, which covers the wedding celebration fees, red carpet and church choir (flowers not included). We booked it on the spot - no deposit required!

Contact Mrs. Loida Gallindez +639182940814 or 0437562142

Step 2: Church Requirements

Budget: PHP5,000 for issuance and incidental fees (~$120)

Documents to obtain from your parish church:

• New Copy of Baptismal Certificate of bride and groom specifically for marriage purpose (date) issued 6 months from the date of wedding by the parish where bride and groom were baptized

• New Copy of Confirmation Certificate of bride and groom specifically for marriage purpose (date) issued 6 months from the date of wedding by the parish where bride and groom were baptized
• Certificate of freedom to marry - You can get it from a parish church in your country of residence if you've been living overseas for more than 6 months. Sometimes, a certificate from your employer confirming that you have declared your husband as your legal spouse is also acceptable (see sample below).

Documents to obtain from NSO/City Hall, e-Census.com.ph

• Birth certificate – You can now easily get a copy online from e-census.com.ph. They can deliver the document to an international address or your embassy for a reasonable fee.
• Report of Marriage or Marriage Certificate (if civilly married) – If you got married overseas, you should’ve registered your marriage at the Philippine Embassy in the country where you got married. If you haven’t, try and take care of it immediately (there’s a penalty for late registration).  You can only register your marriage at the PH embassy in the country where the wedding took place. The embassy will send you a copy of the Report of Marriage/Marriage Certificate 2-4 weeks after registration. 

• The embassy will also send a copy of this document to the DFA and NSO. The church will require you to submit an NSO-issued Marriage Certificate (yellow paper). In order for you to get this document, obtain the information below from the Consular Records Division of DFA Manila, with office address at DFA Office of the Consular Affairs – Consular Records Division, Ground Floor, Bradco Avenue corner Macapagal Boulevard, Aseana Business Park, Parañaque City. You may also call these numbers:  (632) 836-7743/-7744.  Once you have the information below, request the NSO-issued copy of the Marriage Certificate online at e-census.com.ph or from the NSO office.

(1) REFERENCE NUMBER

(2) DISPATCH NUMBER

(3) DISPATCH DATE

(4) TRANSMITTAL DATE

• Marriage License (If you've never been married or are not civilly married) - You need to get this from the City Hall and attend a Family Planning Seminar. Waiting period is 10 days. To get this you need to submit certified true copy of Birth Certificate and Parents' Consent (for 18-21 years old) or Parent's Advice (for 21-25 years old). License has a validity of 120 days from date of issuance.
• CENOMAR or Certificate of No Marriage - Request for a CENOMAR for you AND your husband (NSO also issues CENOMAR for foreigners). If you're civilly married, the CENOMAR should reflect the marriage that you declared at the embassy. Otherwise, it would state that either of you has no record of being married.

Other requirements:

• 2 copies of a 4R photo of you and your husband/fiancé - This will be posted on the bulletin board of the cathedral for everyone to see and scrutinize so my only advice is to choose wisely.
• Canonical Interview – Lipa Cathedral schedules the interview for you. You will be asked to fill out a form on the day of the interview. Most of the questions focus on your understanding of the sacrament of matrimony (e.g Have you been baptized? Do you know the Lord’s prayer? Did you come here out of your own free will? etc.). Then the priest will conduct a 5-minute individual interview with you and your husband/fiance, followed by an interview as a couple, to assess how well you know each other and if you’re ready to commit to each other (e.g. How did you meet? How long have you been dating? Why do you think he is the man for you? etc.) I overheard the couple before us saying they were asked to recite some prayers, which sent me and my husband into a rush of panic. We assumed the worst so we tried remembering the names of all 12 disciples and the different mysteries of the rosary (failed miserably, by the way). Thankfully, we didn’t get asked any of those questions and were let off the hook quite easily.
• Pre-cana wedding seminar – Some churches allow you to do the pre-cana seminar in the country where you’re based (it would be best to call the church to double check) but with Lipa Cathedral, they will not recognize seminars conducted by other organizations in another country and you are required to attend the seminar at the cathedral. You would have to call the cathedral office in advance to schedule the date of the seminar. There is a modest seminar fee of PHP100.00 that you would need to pay either on the day itself or the day of the booking. Just make sure you keep the receipt and show it to the facilitator on the day of the seminar. This is a full-day event, 7AM to 5PM, that is conducted by church volunteers at the San Lorenzo Hall of the Lipa Cathderal every Sunday (except 3^rd Sunday of the month). Food and coffee are available for sale inside the session hall to make sure you have enough caffeine in your blood to survive the whole thing. If your partner is non-Filipino, be ready to spend the entire day translating since the seminars are done in Tagalog. After the seminar, you will receive a certificate of completion.
• Chancery Interview – We were lucky because the Chancery Office of Lipa is right next to the Cathedral. Scheduling the interview was a bit difficult, especially if you’re coming from overseas. The archbishop is only available on weekdays, 830am-12pm. There is a service fee of PHP1000.00. The interview is similar to the previous interview we had with the parish priest. I’m not really sure what the purpose of the chancery interview is and why we flew almost 4hours to spend only 10 minutes to answer the same questions (couldn’t we have done this over Skype?) If somebody out there knows, holla and enlighten me.
• Marriage Bann - After you've completed your requirements, the church office will send a letter with the marriage banns to your local parish church. Your local parish will post the wedding bann together with a photo of you and your husband on their bulletin board for 3 weeks. After 3 weeks, you will need to send back the completed Marriage Banns Card to the church office.
• List of Principal Sponsors - the cathedral 

Here's the complete list of requirements, fees and guidelines from the Lipa Cathedral:

Note: Lipa Cathedral is a very traditional and conservative church. They have very strict guidelines on the gown design - no spaghetti straps, tube dresses, backless or anything too revealing. Trust me, they will not hesitate to cover you up in an ugly neon shawl so plan your gown accordingly. They only allow a specific number of principal and secondary sponsors and have a prescribed age for the ring and bible bearers (see the guidelines above).

SOURCES AND USEFUL LINKS

• If you were married in Singapore (ROM) and plan to get married in the Philippines, check out, Maan Rojas' blog at http://www.mywedding.com/ejlovesmaan/blog_post_90460.html. She inspired me to write this post.
• For mixed couples with non-Catholic partners, here are the additional requirements that you need to prepare http://www.rcam.org/others/756?showall=1

World War Zilch

After months and months of not publishing anything, here I am writing about a movie on a zombie-takeover. WTF, right? But this Brad 'what-the-hell-was-that-Chanel-commercial' Pitt movie about these flesh-eating, brainless monsters just opened a can of epic fails that I couldn't resist writing about. Don't get me wrong; anything with zombies are doomed to be tacky but World War Z far exceeded my expectations. Still, the film was peppered with egregious boo-boo's that were impossible to ignore...

Scene: Jerusalem
Quarantined Jerusalem fought long and hard to ward off the undead with their massive walls but everything just conveniently collapsed while Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt) was there on a visit. 1) What an unlucky bastard. 2) All this because of the refugees' loud singing. Zombie survival tip #1: no karaoke after dark.

Scene: Escaping zombie-infested Jerusalem, on board a Belarus commercial liner
Pilot handing back the phone to Gerry Lane, "Your battery's dead". Then Lane uses it later to call the UN headquarters. Either the pilot's a lying piece of shit, or the producer forgot that the phone was supposed to be dead.

Scene: Plane crash
Gerry Lane and Segen (Israeli soldier) survived a deadly plane crash. Gerry got his side pierced by a debris that should've punctured his lungs, intestines, liver or any other vital human organ. But of course, Pitt doesn't die of internal hemorrhage and manages to walk a couple of miles to the WHO headquarters in Scotland, that happens to be conveniently located near the crash site.

Scene: WHO Headquarters
Zombies were not supposed to attack the "seriously injured" and "terminally ill". They're not vampires or sharks which crave human blood. They're viruses looking for healthy human hosts. Now why are they still attacking Gerry Lane, who was severely injured in the plane crash and was supposed to be dead in the first place?

Overall, I still liked the movie. I even thought that if we were to have a Filipino version, it would be entitled "Zombinoys" and the movie would be over in 5 minutes.

Why? Are you kidding? 96 million people in the Philippines...it's an all-you-can-eat buffet! Ominominom.

MBA - Done and done.

Brief introduction: I graduated from my MBA program last December 2012. 6 months, 10 pounds and a husband later, I'm reposting an article I wrote for a business school blog I wanted to start but never really had the time to manage. Hope this information will help you with your pre-MBA research. Best of luck!


Below is the breakdown of my expenses for doing an MBA in a top institution in Madrid. The cost of GMAT preparation (books, classes, tutors, brain-enhancing pills, and so on), GMAT fees, school application fees and English proficiency testing fees were not included in the total amount.

(Amount in Euros)

Living Expenses

• Rent: 450

• Utilities (Water, Electricity, Internet): ~25

• Mobile Phone: ~300 annually. I subscribed through Studentsphone, a virtual mobile network operator recommended by the school. I subscribed to the 15-month prepaid plan. Initial cash out was 239 euros and I get billed ~7 monthly for service fees. I am not a heavy voice and SMS user. Who calls nowadays when you can Skype and WhatsApp? (and here we begin the net neutrality debate...)

• Insurance Policy: This is a requirement to get a student visa in Spain. The most basic plan costs ~70.

• Average daily expenses: 30. Now this will vary a great deal. I walk to school so I don't really  have transportation costs. I don't eat out that much and take most of my lunches and dinners at home. But even if you do, the average cost of a menu del dia (set menu of the day) is 10 euros. That includes 2 dishes and dessert/coffee. If you're really below poverty line, you can still get a sandwich and a drink for less than 5 euros.

• Books: ~150. I only bought those that I know I will read and use again in the future. There are other creative options..it's called the library.

The cost of living in Spain is relatively cheap. My budget is 1000-1500 per month (assuming a low to moderate alcohol consumption):

Duration: 15 months (13-month program + 2 months moving in and out)
Total: 15000 -22500

MBA Education
I paid partially in cash and the rest by loan from a Spanish bank affiliated with the school.
Matriculation: 57000
Student Loan Interest: 11000
Total: 68000

Total Cost of My MBA: EUR ~ 83000 - 90500

Depressing. Calculation ends here.

It's Been Painful, Mr. Grey

My flatmate lent me her copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. I had no intention of reading the book because I knew it would be as commercial as Dan Brown. But out of curiosity, I opened to Page 1 and found myself close to Page 200 after two hours. Do not be misled. It's an easy, brain-numbing piece of literature: big fonts, small words. It doesn't even have that euphemistic allusion to sex, Mills & Boon style. More like cut-and-paste dialogues from a porn movie.

There were two things that annoyed me the most. First, Anastasia Steele's inner goddess. Who and what exactly is this bitch? It sounded like a schizophrenic, split personality disorder to me. Second, Christian Grey. Ladies, do not run away with your fantasies. What are the chances of Grey being real - a hot, ripped, wealthy entrepreneur that flies his own chopper, feeds Africa AND straight? We all know that entrepreneur billionaires look more like Mark Zuckerberg than Christian Bale (hey, Zucky's cute in his own way).

My flatmate cannot believe it's taking me more than three days to finish the book. My interest just waned, and I'm supposed to be in the "best part" (Anastasia says yes to being tied like a hog and whipped like a horse). I'd pick Harry Potter over this anytime - at least Rowling made me think who opened the Chamber of Secrets.

The Rainbow Pride

Some of the dearest people to me are gay and I can tell you that they're the most fun, honest and entertaining people you'd every meet in your life. The homophobes are definitely missing out on such colorful and fun friendships!

I went to a lesbian club the other night with two of my gay friends - a guy and a girl who's visiting from abroad. While I'm no stranger to gay districts like Castro, where I actually went into a barbershop for lesbians and was highly educated and entertained by their very selective reading of lesbian porn, and have enjoyed a bunch of Singapore gay clubs where I indulged in unlimited amounts of cherries for my cosmopolitan, being inside a lesbian club was still a bit of a culture shock.

My friends told me that a woman entering a lesbian club is always assumed to be gay. And true enough, four beautiful girls started offering us free "chupitos" (Spanish shots). The worried look of a heterosexual misfit amused one of the girls and she tried to calm me down by saying, "don't worry, I'm not hitting on you. My girlfriend's here." Then they started making out. #loveawkwardmoments

We stepped outside to get some fresh air. A girl came up to us asking for a light. She hung out for a while insisting we join her and her friends at the other club. If you're straight, there's no chance in hell that you would recognize this as a pick-up line. I used to be proud of my gaydar but this place just shot down whatever neural homo sensor I had.

I went home convinced I still want those beer-guzzling, testosterone-pumped creatures called men.

Bye Bye Birdie

Somebody in my apartment complex bought a parrot and the incessant squawking is far from an urban Amazonian jungle experience. I had to bear "hola! hola! awwwk! awwwk" every afternoon, in the midst of 500 economics slides, while drawing my supply and demand curves. Vegetarian or not, I want to kill that bird.

I plotted schemes in my head how to get rid of the bird. My first thought was to drug it. Call it bird feed "X". But I changed my mind because the bird might start saying "I love you! I love you!" all day. Then I thought of putting a recording of "kill me! kill me!" right next to it until the bird learned how to say it. When the right time comes, I can say "with pleasure!" Bam! Bird gone, problem solved.

Come to think of it, it's not the bird's fault. It's the OWNER who's to blame. Now what's the best way to deal with the owner?

a) Buy a bigger and noisier bird
b) Buy a dog (for every squawk there's a bark)
c) Buy a vulture and put it outside his window

Brilliant ideas but we all know that I'll end up doing one thing - nothing.

Break the Glass Ceiling in Case of Emergency

Disclaimer: One of the extremely rare, intellectually stimulating posts I've ever written...prepared to be bored to tears.

We've heard it many times before - had the world been ruled by women, World Wars I & II and the 2008 financial crisis would have no space in history. We'll have less poverty, less inequality, and it would've been one happy, floral-scented world of pink bows and oven-fresh, calorie-free cookies. Wishful thinking? 

Unbeknownst to most people, many matriarchal societies do exist (whether these are classified as matrilinear, matrilocal, matrifocal or matriarchal is still subject to much debate) - the Ede of Viet Nam, the Mosuo of China, the Hopi Indians and the Chambri of Papua New Guinea. Corrina Laughlin described these women-led societies as "communal, egalitarian, more nurturing and just" (utopianist.com).

Matriarchal societies exist in a number of mammalian species as well. Elephants, known for their superior intelligence, live in herds of females and their calves, and are led by the oldest female cows. The herd works in a highly coordinated fashion - protecting each other and working together to find food. Female elephants take a huge role in rearing young calves and ensuring the survival of the species.

Now even more interesting is the dominatrix nature of the spotted hyenas. Female hyenas are bigger and more aggressive than the males, and believe it or not, have their own pseudopenis or peniform clitoris (read: these ladies have dicks). The males need to prove themselves before being given permission to mate. Welcome to the alternate universe of the Type-A, suit-donning bitches who have enough balls to get what they want and crush men with their stiletto-ed heels.

And how can we ignore the very controversial species of the Bonobo monkeys? Deemed to be matriarchal, these highly sexual species are dominated by females, who control males through sexuality. The male's rank is determined by his mother's rank in the society. What an amusing world of mama's boys who'll solve world conflicts through sex and not violence (insert canned hyena laugh here).

Most sociologists claim that human matriarchies did not exist in the past and remain hypothetical, but Bertha Diener disputes this claim by saying all human societies were historically matriarchal, which later shifted and degenerated to patriarchy (this, in my opinion, is pushing the Amazonian vision a bit too far). 

The gynocentric society I seek is not the diametrical opposition of patriarchy but a higher form of egalitarian democracy where no barriers and biases against genders exist.

More interesting reading here.
http://matriarchal.askdefine.com/

Pinay on Ice

I've landed on my face and ass so many times that if you've seen that movie Jumanji with the stampeding rhinoceri, I felt like my body was somewhere in that stampede scene. 

So what does snow taste like? 

Hmm... like halo-halo without anything in it!

Mo-mo-morocco!

A Filipino in Morocco was such a rarity that the airport security couldn't help blurting out "Philippine?!". That's right, brother. From one third world to another...high five.

Souks: Not a place for claustrophobes and misanthropes. Crowded, touristy and severely overpriced. If you think you're a pro at bargaining, try this one for size.

"Hello, my friend": Everyone is your friend and brother. If you're lonely and insecure, this is the place for you.

They speak in tongues: Everyone will try to speak your language - French, Spanish, English, Chinese...name it, and they'll say anything to lure you into their shops. Unfortunately, "cheap" is not in their vocabulary.

Gastronomy: Moroccan cuisine is all about kebabs, tagine and couscous. If you find that couscous is starting to come out of your nose (trust me, there's a limit to how much couscous you can eat), there are French or Italian restaurants everywhere to give your taste buds a rest.

Warning: Baklavas are so sinfully delicious that you would almost forget how fast those calories will find their way to your thighs.

Camels: Riding one is an unforgettable experience. They bear a great resemblance to giraffes, obviously cousins in the mutated gene pool of camelidae.  Riding a camel reminded me of Manila - hot, bumpy, uncomfortable but fun!

Straddling Cappuccino.

Baby Got Back
The dark brown camel behind Cappuccino is Sultan. Sultan's snout was tied to the saddle on Cappuccino's back. What a sad life having to look and sniff at another camel's ass...

Not so easy, Easyjet.
18:00 - Flight attendant announces the flight will be delayed.
19:00 - Electronic board announces that flight to Paris-CDG is at Gate 5. Type-A passengers started running towards Gate 5.
19:05 - Board changes to Gate 3. Type-A passengers started running towards Gate 3.
19:20 - Board changes to Gate 7.
19:21 - Board doesn't display any gate number. Type-A passengers got confused.
Comical. Almost felt like a noontime game show...

The 2012 Resolutions That Will Last For...

For 30 years I've written and broken a lot of resolutions. What's another year?

• Alcohol free for 3 months - I am not a big drinker but if I'm going on a 5-7 pound diet, cutting back on every unnecessary calorie would be essential.
• The 5 pound diet - I'm smack in the perfectly healthy weight for a normal human being but when you're pushing 31 and you're not a Victoria's Secret model, you can't trust your body to work in your favor. Those extra macarons (Laduree is the devil's minion) and pastries will eventually find their way to your hips, legs and every fat storing cell of your body. Losing 5 pounds will do my body good.

Let the countdown begin...

MBA Chronicles: When I Grow Up, I Want To Be....

It's been a year since those dreadful days of writing essays for business school applications where I'd been asked over and over again what my personal aspirations were. I remember having had to take a step back and think what I want out of life. All I know is that when I was younger, I wanted to be an astronaut. Well, we all did at some point. I don't know what killed your astronaut dream, but for me, it was when I realized astronauts had very complicated toilet habits. That, and the risk of suffocating yourself with your own gas.

Then I wanted to be a dentist because in my young eyes, the state-of-the-art, hydraulic dental chair was an amusement park ride that came with a free toothbrush. I abandoned my dream of poking around people's mouths after 2 molar extractions.

Then I wanted to become a teacher because just like every normal kid, I coveted that teaching stick of power. I had my complete teaching set: a little blackboard, white and colored chalks, an eraser, my dad's broken eyeglasses, and a small stick that I used to point at either Barbie or Cabbage Patch, asking it to recite the alphabet. I always sent my dog to detention.

I remember playing with my parents' broken stethoscopes but I never wanted to be a doctor. Tagging along hospital rounds every Saturday, visiting sick people, was enough to get me depress at seven years old. But it's cool to have physician parents. You'd know big words like ciprofloxacin at age 9 and show off with phrases like "damn, my sternocleidomastoid hurts."

I realized there's not much difference between now and then...25 years later, you still don't know what you want.

MBA Chronicles: Snippets of Wisdom

If you have classes from 9AM to 14:50PM everyday and you only get to have one 30-minute break, the person who asks a stupid question at 14:49 deserves to be suckerpunched. Lesson: Do not be this person.

If we pay a euro for every useless and irrelevant comment in class, we might be able to pay Greece's debt in a year.

"You won't die while doing your MBA. But you won't live, either." - Gagan

Making friends in your MBA is all about finding the right fit. You can't force yourself into groups you have nothing in common with; it's like trying to fit a square into a circle. Lesson: Be the circle, don't be square.

The philosophy of the bell-curve grading system: if you think you're doing bad, just pray that 5% of the population are doing worse than you.

MBA Chronicles: The 10 People You'll Meet in Your MBA

1. The Know-it-all - The classmate who seems to know everything and wants everybody to know it. If they think they're soooo brilliant, then what the hell are they still doing in school?!?

2. The Celebrity Wannabe - They want to be popular. They want to know everyone and be everywhere; clearly the winner of the congeniality crown. But remember, familiarity breeds apathy.

3. The Orator - Also known as the MC (Master of Comments). These people love to hear themselves speak.  They are soothed by the sound of their own voices and think they're so clever by always saying something in class. Most people would call this verbal masturbation.

4. The Interrogator - They ask questions they already know the answers to. They ask questions for the sake of asking. Yes, we should sue these people if we destroy an optic nerve from rolling our eyes.

5. The Energizer Bunny - The classmate who has Redbull pumping into his/her bloodstream. This person can party from midnight 'til dawn, and still manage to show up in class looking fresh as a daisy.
Oh, how we envy them.

6. The Leader - The proactive student who loves to organize events, photocopy notes for everyone, initiate group studies... generally thought of as God's gift to slackers.

7. The Comic - The classmate who says the funniest things at the dullest moments. You will owe this person your sanity.

8. The Player - Charm is naturally wired in the player's DNA, and this social butterfly immensely enjoys the mating dance. According to Askmen.com, players understand the fine line between offensive and irresistible i.e. "classy jerks".

9. The Egobombastic - The person who frequently begins a sentence with "I" and ends it with "me". It's pretty difficult to hang out with this person; when his/her ego gets too big, you'd always run out of room.

10. The Nice Guy - This is your average Joe/Jane. Don't be deceived. Not all nice guys finish last.

A huge chunk of the MBA experience is learning how to manage your emotions and relationships with different people. But honestly, at the end of the day,  it's alcohol that unites all differences.