If I Were President

On days when I have nothing better to do but to annoy people, I challenge my sister to a "what if" game. She has long learned that the fastest way to shut me up was to play along. The game's fairly simple: we give each other an outrageous situation and we have to explain how we're going to handle it. I have always loved how this game can reveal a person's character by the way s/he responds to unwanted circumstances.

When it was my turn to be asked, I was given the world-peace beauty pageant question, if you were President of the Philippines, what will you do?

I have several brilliant ideas for this country. Traffic discipline is on top of my list. I know it seems odd to push poverty or unemployment to the bottom of my priorities, but do understand that I drive to work everyday and the horrendous traffic jams just have to stop. I told my sister that my Einstein plan was to install a traffic device that will send mild electric shocks to anyone who would attempt to run a red light. I believe that frying the bums of irresponsible drivers will teach them a lifetime lesson not to violate traffic rules. Another thing that pushed me to resort to drastic measures is my skepticism of our traffic enforcers' credibilty. I had witnessed several times how they turned a blind eye to jeepney drivers who blatantly ran red lights under their noses while I, who merely toed the pedestrian lane, had them going after my neck like a pack of ravenous mongrels. Justice should not favor the oppressed. Or maybe those heathens just wanted to extort money from me. Bastards.

Next thing in my agenda is to convert all jeepneys to cable cars. By now, I am certain you are getting the feel of my abhorrence towards these tin can on wheels, 90% of which are manned by half-witted drivers who grow their pinkie fingernails long and hang Good Morning towels around their necks. My sister told me off for being heartless, allowing millions of Filipinos go unemployed but I explained to her they will still keep their jobs as cable car operators and chauffeurs, like in San Francisco. Cable cars cannot swerve or accelerate at will; it uses a street railway system using a cable under the road to pull the cars along which moves at a constant speed. Trust me, I've researched on this. To quote Wikipedia, "One claimed advantage of the cable car is its relative energy efficiency, because of the economy of centrally-located power stations, and the ability for cars going down hill to transfer energy to cars going up". More efficient traffic systems, more savings for the country.

So what have I learned about my character? Nothing much, except that I think of the most absurd things which can get me assassinated before I reach my 26th birthday.