Snippets of Guy Browning's metaphorical wisdom that gave me heaps of amusement before bedtime.
"The four horsemen of glumness are tiredeness, boredom, rain and low blood-sugar level. Any of them can lead to minor glumness, while all four together can lead to the very serious irritable bastard syndrome."
"Socializing shouldn't be confused with socialism. Socialists are the ones who like to meet people's needs, and socialites are the needy ones who like to meet people."
"If it's true that you are what you eat, then Britain is currently raising a large population of chicken nuggets."
"Brown toast isn't really much good because it doesn't change colour when you toast it. Brown bread already has a lot of attitude, and toasting is like punishing it for being too good for you in its natural state. With white bread you feel as though you're doing it a favour toasting it. It's like two weeks in the Caribbean for it.
Some people cut off the crusts of their toast. These are people who don't understand where real pleasure lies - the sort of people who cycle with helmets in the country or have sex in their pyjamas."
On dunking biscuits...
"Most people opt for the safety dunk, where you just dip a litle bit of the biscuit in and then suck off the soggy bit. More dangerous is the slam dunk, where you put the entire biscuit in up to your fingertips and then whip it out at the last moment. There is a very real risk that you'll end up with the entire body of your biscuit lying cementified on the bottom of the mug. This gives the opportunity for those who don't dunk to feel fantastically superior. Non-dunkers say they enjoy the contrast between warm and wet, and dry and hard. Perverts."
"If you're binge eating, the real question you should be asking yourself is not what you're eating but what's eating you."
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