It's Smoking

I wrote three blogs today, my most prolific so far! I will keep this last one short because I'm almost running out of creative juices and my brain can't think of anything else but "zzzzz, zzzzz".

I went on a trekking trip to Mount Bromo in East Java Indonesia last weekend. I've never seen an active volcano up close before and watching smoke rise from the crater was truly breathtaking. Nevermind the smell of rotten eggs, or somebody who ate three cans of baked beans passing gas (okay, okay, too graphic). We woke up at 3:30AM to start hiking and catch the sunrise atop the volcano. The 3 kilometer trek to the mountain was eerie. There was nothing but a wide desert of ashes and random vegetation - it was like walking into twilight zone. The last part was a 250-step climb to the viewing deck. Here's what we saw from the top of the mountain...










Bromo from afar...

Turn Up Your Nose and Hold Your Breath

I've been in Singapore for more than two years and I claim to be a stench expert after riding the train and the bus everyday. We shall not name ethnicities lest I be accused of being racist.

I present you, the eau the toilette! (pron. oh the toilet!):

The Poopy Love - I have no idea how it is humanly possible to smell like dog poop, but I sat right next to a man today who smelled like he actually rolled over his dog's crap or hung his clothes next to the dog's shitpile. Whatever. It does exist.

Treasure Chest - Literally. There are people who smell like they've found their clothes from a long, forgotten chest that belonged to their great forefathers. The odor is similar to wet clothes that have been stored and forgotten in the closet, only to be discovered and worn a month later.

Bad Pitt - Usually, these are fine-looking men who wear long-sleeved shirts and walk to the train station for ten minutes, stealthily gathering sweat in their armpits. The moment they raise their arms to hang on to the railings, boom! they unleash the monster and it hits you straight in the face.

In Your Face - They either haven't visited the dentist for five years, or they ate garbage for breakfast, but their breath REALLY stinks. And just to spite the rest of us, they breathe through their mouths. Heavily.

Au Naturel - Blame it on diet, blame it on hygiene, but whatever it is, these people should know that deodorants were invented for a reason.

Sweat & Sour - Ah yes, the distinctive smell of sweat, which is only acceptable if you're a hunky football player or you're Hugh Jackman. But since most people here are neither, they should know that taking a shower is a MUST after going to the gym or playing sports. Especially in a tropical country where sweating is a national pastime.

I personally feel these stinkers should be fined for inconsiderately suffocating their fellow passengers with their fetid smell and polluting what little shared air there is to breathe. Didn't they know it is their social responsibility to take a shower every morning? Jeez.

The FLM Movement

I will never be a proper blogger. I'm too random, too inconsistent and just too lazy to report the daily happenings in my life. I have no interesting stories to tell nor daily inspirations to share. Being parked behind a computer desk 8 hours a day is hardly conducive to poetic musings (unless the likes of Gael Garcia Bernal emerges out of my computer screen, which on second thought is not really that sexy cause it reminds me of The Ring).

It also doesn't help that I have the knack for starting things and never really get to finishing them (case in point: "Ironies", "Trivias" and "Filipinize Literature for the Masses" movement are still marked "to be continued"). Well, now that I'm reminded of my FLM movement (hmm, the acronym sounds like a low-budget porn production company), especially in this month of honoring our national language, I took a stab at translating a few paragraphs from one of my favorite books, Never Hit a Jellyfish with a Spade by Guy Browning.

Huwag na Huwag Hampasin ang Dikya ng Pala

Papaano...Gumising sa Umaga
Ang paggising sa umaga ay parang panganganak: minsan mabilis at madali, minsan akala mo oras na ngunit hindi pa pala, maraming kasamang tulak at napakaraming oras ng paghihirap.

May iilang mga taong gustong-gusto ang mga tahimik at payapang sandali bago magbukang-liwayway. Sa totoo lang, wala namang nakakakilala sa mga taong ito kasi lahat tayo tulog pa. Ang isang pahiwatig kung sino ang mga taong ito ay lumalabas dakong gabi, kung kailan alas-siyete y media palang eh binabati ka na nila ng gudnayt.

Ang mga taong hirap gumising ay gumagawa ng mga mautak na paraan upang makabangon sa umaga. Mahusay ang mga de-alarmang orasan na kayang pabangunin maski ang patay, lalo na kung ilalagay mo ito malayo sa iyong tabi. Kaya lang, sa sobrang gulat at pagkabingi mo sa lakas ng de-alarmang orasan na ito, kakailangan mong bumalik ulit sa kama at matulog ng isang oras upang makabawi sa pagka-trauma.

Original text:

Never Hit a Jellyfish with a Spade

How to...Get Up

Waking up in the morning is like a little birth: sometimes it's very quick and easy, and sometimes it takes many false alarms, a lot of pushing and hours of labour.

There is a very small group of people who love those quiet, peaceful moments just before the dawn. No one really knows who these people are because the rest of us are all fast asleep. A clue as to who they are comes later in the day when, just after half past seven in the evening, they say goodnight.

People who have difficulty getting up have devised all sorts of foolproof ways of getting themselves out of bed. Alarm clocks which would wake up the dead are great, especially if you place them out of arm's reach. However, when these go off, they give you such a profound shock you have to go back to bed for an hour to get over the trauma.

Not bad eh?