Turn Up Your Nose and Hold Your Breath

I've been in Singapore for more than two years and I claim to be a stench expert after riding the train and the bus everyday. We shall not name ethnicities lest I be accused of being racist.

I present you, the eau the toilette! (pron. oh the toilet!):

The Poopy Love - I have no idea how it is humanly possible to smell like dog poop, but I sat right next to a man today who smelled like he actually rolled over his dog's crap or hung his clothes next to the dog's shitpile. Whatever. It does exist.

Treasure Chest - Literally. There are people who smell like they've found their clothes from a long, forgotten chest that belonged to their great forefathers. The odor is similar to wet clothes that have been stored and forgotten in the closet, only to be discovered and worn a month later.

Bad Pitt - Usually, these are fine-looking men who wear long-sleeved shirts and walk to the train station for ten minutes, stealthily gathering sweat in their armpits. The moment they raise their arms to hang on to the railings, boom! they unleash the monster and it hits you straight in the face.

In Your Face - They either haven't visited the dentist for five years, or they ate garbage for breakfast, but their breath REALLY stinks. And just to spite the rest of us, they breathe through their mouths. Heavily.

Au Naturel - Blame it on diet, blame it on hygiene, but whatever it is, these people should know that deodorants were invented for a reason.

Sweat & Sour - Ah yes, the distinctive smell of sweat, which is only acceptable if you're a hunky football player or you're Hugh Jackman. But since most people here are neither, they should know that taking a shower is a MUST after going to the gym or playing sports. Especially in a tropical country where sweating is a national pastime.

I personally feel these stinkers should be fined for inconsiderately suffocating their fellow passengers with their fetid smell and polluting what little shared air there is to breathe. Didn't they know it is their social responsibility to take a shower every morning? Jeez.