Facebook Conversion Pixel

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Exploring Malacca

I started writing about my trip to Malacca, Malaysia and managed to write four paragraphs, when I decided to delete everything and start from scratch like a frustrated writer ripping out a draft from his typewriter and crumpling it into a ball. I just thought that at the rate I was going, this post will forever sit as a draft and never get published.

So I decided to curtail my usually verbose story-telling and draw the "Top 5" highlights of my trip.

1. TWENTY - Located at 20 (snickers) Jonker Street in Chinatown, the hostel was clean, tastefully furnished, served free breakfast and had free wi-fi access. Not bad for S$20 per night!



2. BUILDINGS AND STREET ALLEYS - I was charmed by the cozy cafes, art galleries, antique shops and Dutch/Portuguese-influenced architecture.



3. JONKER WALK - Quiet and empty during the day, but alive and bustling at night! Street vendors would whip out their folding tables at exactly 6PM and put up odds and ends for sale. The entire road was closed off to vehicles to give way to an evening talent show. Dolled-up kids performed on stage and sang Chinese songs and danced to candy-pop songs like "Barbie Girl." I can't help but sing "C'mon Barbie let's go party. A-a-ahhh-yeah..." all the way back to the hostel.


4. PINEAPPLE TARTS, PINEAPPLE TARTS & MORE PINEAPPLE TARTS! Coming to the "Home of Pineapple Tarts" did very little to help me curb my addiction for these little biscuit saucers of pineapple jam.

And that's the way the cookie crumbles.


5. MUTANT SPECIES BY THE RIVER - I stared confounded at the fish that crawled on land (mudskippers) and the big lizards that swim in the river. Reinforces the fact that toxic waste is a hazard to our marine ecosystems. The inconvenient truth, folks.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Happy Deepavali!

My colleague brought punjabis for the team in the spirit of Diwali/Deepavali. The mountain of Indian clothing on the table had the feel of a bargain sale in Divisoria, with every girl from the team trying to grab the most elaborate and intricately designed kameez. I've managed to grab a pair of black salwar pants amidst that excited hullabaloo. It was the strangest pair of pants I've ever seen. The waist was around 40 inches in circumference and the leg holes were only 10! Pardon my cultural insensitivity, but the pants looked like they were fitted for Grimace.

I spent about a good five minutes tugging at the pant bottom, trying to get it past my foot and believe it or not, I couldn't! It wouldn't even budge past the sole. Had it been a situation of getting my generous bottom squeeze into a nice pair of jeans, it would've been okay, but my foot? I am highly insulted! Should I start working out my foot too to make it slimmer?!

Salwar Pajama Pants

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The Randomness of Shuffle

Swiped this from Toots' Multiply blog, which was nicked from leena22's journal. It's a whole network of stealing.

How it goes...
1) Put your iPod on shuffle.
2) Read the questions aloud.
3) Press 'Play'.
4) Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How does the world see me?
Video Killed The Radio Star - The Presidents of the USA
"Oh, oh!" is right.

Will I have a happy life?
I Walk Alone - Oleander
So I guess the answer is no.

What do my friends really think of me?
Dig - Incubus
(Blank look)

Do people secretly lust after me?
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
Anyone out there who'd care to give me a straight answer? Be nice.

How can I make myself happy?
I Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters
Ha! This is my 'happy song' because it's so gay! Wait a second, my iPod is starting to freak me out...could it possibly read my mind? Gasp! Earplugged its way through my cerebral cortex, the sneaky bastard.

What should I do with my life?
Five Candles - Jars of Clay
Arsonist, it is.

Will I ever have children?
There You Go - Pink
"There you go, looking pitiful..."
Not a good sign, not a good sign.

What is some good advice for me?
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
I knew it! I'm building my imperial army. My battlecry: Singapore today. Tomorrow...THE WORLD!(evil laugh)

How will I be remembered?
When I Come Around - Greenday
Always coming or always around?

What song will play at my funeral?
This Aint A Scene, It's An Arms Race - Fall Out Boy
Rock my funeral, Fall Out Boy.

What type of men do I like?
Alfie - Lily Allen
Alfie is a bum who won't get up his lazy ass, stay in his room all day, play games and smoke weed. If that's my kind of man, I'm truly fucked.

230 Grains and Going...

THE PREMISE: For each word you get right, www.freerice.com will donate 10 grains of rice through the United Nations to help end world hunger. 1 word = 10 grains.

WARNING: This game may make you smarter. It may improve your speaking, writing, thinking, grades, job performance...

SUMMARY: Save the world while fulfilling your selfish and conceited desire to be proven a language master. Go check it out. It's addictive.

Screw that 9AM training tomorrow. I have a cup to fill...

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Silicone Valley

Acknowledgment: Thanks for that ingenious title, Nick.

Nick couldn't believe that after 8 months of living in Singapore, I've never been to Orchard Towers, much less knew where it was. With its local rep of being the four floors full of whores, he decided to take me there so I can satiate my voyeuristic curiosity.

We went to a pub called Ipanema which appeared dowdy and sleazy from the outside, and even more so in the inside. Nick told me every girl in there was a 'working girl'. The place was full of Asian girls in skimpy and provocative outfits which barely concealed their ridiculously large breasts and tiny protruding asses. There were a handful of them whom I assume purposely forgot to put on a shirt and were running around in their bras, wishing such brazen tactic would catch the fancy of potential clients. Everywhere I turned I saw cleavage. I was overwhelmed with having to visually digest such inordinate amounts of silicone my head started to ache.

I noticed that all the girls made the first move by either tapping the guy's shoulder to get his attention or merely walking up to him to chat. It didn't even come as a surprise that most of the guys were old, balding, and fat.

After consuming a considerable amount of alcohol, going to the ladies room was inevitable. As with all ladies restroom, it was packed with women touching up their make-up and powdering their noses. Some half-accusingly stared at my modest chest, probably wondering why I didn't get a boob job.

We didn't stay long enough at Ipanema for me to find out how these seemingly innocuous chats turn into business transactions. We moved to another bar called Crazy Horse (or Whores) which was obviously the lady boys' territory. We took a peek and I was surprised to see a good number of customers canoodling with these lady boys. Nick told me I looked dazed...and I was! I've never been caught in the midst of such colorful perversions of the flesh trade! I was in a rabbit hole of debauchery, vulgar fetishes and profligacy. It was crazy and surreal.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sawasdee ka Bangkok, Thailand

My trip to Bangkok was the first holiday I've ever taken ever since coming to Singapore. I could barely contain my excitement. I was supposed to go alone but I guess my enthusiasm was so contagious that three colleagues decided to join me in my first Asian travel adventure.

We flew via the budget airline, Jetstar, and checked in at the Wall Street Inn. Having paid SGD 61 per night, I didn't expect too much of the hotel. I must say they were redeemed tenfold by the nice welcome signboard at the lobby with my and my friends' names on it. Apart from the fact that the hotel was located two streets down from Patpong, a place in Bangkok notorious for its promiscuous, nocturnal trade, I have no complaints.

We had dinner at the Mango Tree which the hotel staff swore serves authentic Thai food. Being the worst food connoisseur who has no sense of what's good and what's crappy, I was the only one who said the food was great. Everyone else said the taste was not authentic at all. The place was 'touristy' which was probably why the cook had to go easy on the chili.

We went to shop a bit at Patpong Night Market then walked back to the hotel. Before going to bed, I treated myself to a heavenly foot massage. Whoever said the best things in life are free told a fat lie.

On Day 2, we visited the Grand Palace and the National Museum and had lunch at a cozy restaurant near MBK which served authentic, mouthwatering Thai food. I can't get enough of the Thai mango sticky rice! I made sure to order one for dessert after every meal. Every bite was bliss.

We went to MBK to shop, shop and shop some more. Two and a half hours and five shopping bags later, we went back to the hotel to doll up for a night of clubbing. Pre-party, we checked out Khaosan Road. Khaosan was a happening place! My friend Jackie and I got henna tattoos of our names in Thai. Sweet.

We went to a Thai club called Nang Len (I am pretty sure this is NOT the way you spell it but as they say in Thailand - 'same-same...but different') where the crowd was predominantly Thai just the way we would've preferred it. It was pretty crowded and ordering a drink proved to be a challenge (who knew if the bartender spoke English? Well...he did). The club had two main rooms - English hip-hop and Thai hip-hop. We went to both and tried to spot the lady boys in the crowd (it was difficult to tell in the dark). The highlight of the night was when an adorable Thai boy in a splashy, half-open pink shirt, started hugging and kissing my BFF, Mark. This tiny bundle of gay joy was drinking straight from the whiskey bottle! Well, why else would he hit on Mark? Kidding, BFF.

On Day 3, we slept in and didn't get out of bed 'til past 9. We headed out to Chaptuchak Market later in the morning. Chaptuchak was just like Quiapo minus the church and the 'pamparegla' vendors. After squandering more money, Jackie and I went to the Center mall to get our hair done because it was so 'cheap-cheap' in Thailand.

Jackie and I had dinner that night at a fancy-schmancy place called Naj and although it wasn't as authentic as we would've liked it, it was pretty good. I ordered mango sticky rice, of course. We went back to the hotel afterwards only to realize that I left my camera at the restaurant! Jackie and I took a tuk-tuk back to the restaurant and I was so glad to be reunited with my camera.

She and I treated ourselves to a well-deserved Thai massage that evening. I never had a Thai massage before and boy, did auntie crack my bones and stretched me good! It was painfully wonderful.

I will surely miss the shop-crazed, polluted and bustling city of Bangkok that is so reminiscent of home. As much as I would like to go back, there are still other Asian countries to explore. So it would have to be sawasdee ka for now BKK. 'Til then.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Dating Mishaps and Misadventures



It's exasperating to think that even though books, magazines, blogs and websites have dedicated voluminous articles to the do's and dont's of dating, I keep coming back from one disastrous social encounter with the male species after another. The thought that 'maybe it's not them, it's me' has crossed my mind more than once; but I know myself too well to know that I am merely unlucky when it comes to men and relationships. Or I just don't make very smart choices.

Quite recently, I've gone out with a Brit who claimed to be an "infallible gentleman of utmost decorum" (in posh British accent). Of course he acted like a complete bigot. To give you a better idea of how appalling his behavior was, here's a grocery list of the things he did:

- flagrantly and disgustingly picked his nose and teeth in front of me
- constantly performed conversational masturbation and never listened
- conveniently forgot that I'm a vegetarian
- constantly asked what kind of underwear I'm wearing
- shamelessly ogled and checked out other girls in front of me
- asked me to carry a bag of groceries while he ate his ice-cream
- groped my ass and copped a feel in public
- insulted my country and my race
- would intermittently call me, appearing and disappearing like a flickering Christmas bulb

Now if you've read the rather plain but sonorous girly book "He's Just Not Into You", the man I've described above would have been shown the door in an instant. And that's exactly what I did. I have no time and patience to put up with his shit.

I have always exercised careful judgment in weeding out the losers from my dating menu, but somehow I always wind up with men who are either flaky, immature, or just want to get into my pants. I guess I have every right to feel jaded and fagged out about dating. Cynicism has been vindicated.