Back to Barracks

I admit it - I've been Singaporeanized. Three years of living in the land of laksa, durian and char kway teow have dulled the survival instincts honed by the streets of Sampaloc. Self-reminders when I get back to Manila:

1. Tighten my grip on my mobile phone. 

2. Zip my handbag. 

3. Wear backpacks in reverse and look like a pregnant woman. Or worse, my dad.

4. Remember that efficiency will cease to exist. Completely.

5. Remember that if Singapore have asshole drivers, Manila would have 5x more.

6. Turn paranoia to full blast.
7. Remember that there's a Starbucks in every corner of the city that could potentially rob me PHP500 daily for a quick caffeine fix.
8. Stay away from the evil, consumerism-driven establishments called malls.
9. Wanted, unwanted, drunk and sober friends alike will crash into my crib. No fail.
10. Remember that there's a weekend job called 'mom's driver'.

Inversity

"Inversity"
The law of inverse relationships.

Queues and your patience - As the line gets longer, your patience gets shorter. So move your asses, goddamn slowpokes!
Distance and punctuality -Those who live the closest to their offices are never on time.
Height and ego - Also known as the Napoleon complex.
A man's looks and his car - Hot cars, ugly drivers.
Alcohol and intelligence - Increased alcohol consumption leads to decreased brain function.
Years of marriage and sex - According to Russell Peters, also known as the onegina disease.

*These suggestions are a product of the author's insuppressible urge to give unsolicited opinions. Any similarities in real life are purely coincidental.

Total Eclipse of My Heart

There is only one reason I will spend $10 for Eclipse - Taylor Lautner and his ripped body. This boy is probably 9 years my junior...erm, cougar who?

The third installment didn't improve my relatively low opinion of the whole vampire saga (sorry, but Bram Stoker and Anne Rice still rule my world of nosferatu). Kirsten Stewart had the same, bland acting (if you can even call that acting) which matched the pallor of her skin. I was never her big fan. And was it just me or was Robert Pattinson having a hard time talking through that mouthful of fangs? Better not start chewing gum, or you'll be in a lot of trouble.

I found it extremely funny that Bella was trying to force Edward to have sex with her, and Edward prudently refused because he wanted them to get married first. If you ask me, the real reason is he couldn't get it up because the bloodsucker is 100 years old AND dead. It made me wonder - does Edward even have sperm, considering he's a corpse?

Jacob had a ton of witty lines that I find absolutely adorable. Must be me and my love of canines. Watch this episode of What The Buck where Michael "I'm not pointing at my crotch - Glittertits!" Buckley gives you a hilarious commentary of the movie. My favorite comment: Victoria runs so fast even the wolves couldn't catch her - they huffed, and they puffed and they still can't blow that bitch down.

No Straight Arrow & Forever After

Two movie habits that people find strange about me: 1) I can watch movies alone 2) I would prefer an action adventure or 3D animation over a sappy romantic film anytime. I have no patience for regurgitated romantic plots where two people fall in love and live happily ever after. Imagine my glee when somebody finally found the balls to kill Meg Ryan's character in City of Angels. Not surprised that people hated that movie.

I watched Robinhood two weeks ago and sad to say, Sir Ridley Scott missed his mark. Some scenes were a drag, Russell Crowe was the Gladiator who mastered archery without the strappy sandals, and it was short of being a movie simply made to stroke the British ego. Cate Blanchett was brilliant, as usual. Scott's gloomy version of Robinhood was nothing like Howard Pyle's merry, thieving weasel. Give me that sly old fox of Disney anytime.

Today was for the stinking. mud-loving ogre who was transported to an alternate universe after signing a deal with Rumplestiltskin. I've had my share of laughs and got my $10 worth of amusement. But nothing beats the original Shek movie with that kick-ass Duloc Song.


Keep your feet off the grass,
Shine your shoes,
Wipe your........face!!

Maybe Tomorrow...Things Would Get Better

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me


It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

When Shallow Goes Deep: Volume I

A compilation of "quotes" that made me go "huh?"

In a contest that asked participants the definition of a man or woman:

1. I am the woman who believes in myself. Nothing is impossible, as a women rule the world!

Sweetheart, before you rule the world, take the "a" before women.

2. I am the Man because she said so.
Who's she? Ah, must be your mother.


3. Why am I the man? Cause what I'm wearing represents me as the man I am.

So if you're not wearing anything, you're nothing.

4. I am the man as I am going shout to the world that skinny guys can be cool too!

Shush. Order your whey protein and hit the gym - pronto!

5. A little girly on the outside, I'm still a fully grown man on the inside.

Not a girl, now a man, not yet a woman. 

Medusa Got Me Stoned

First of all, I'm glad I didn't pay extra for the 3D version of the movie. Second of all, I'm glad I didn't get popcorn or the calories wouldn't have been worth it.

In my opinion, 80% of remakes are headed for disaster. Most try to "own"  the story but only end up bastardizing the plot. To compensate, they bombard us with state-of-the-art 3D effects.

Everyone who's read Edith Hamilton's Greek Mythology would've had Medusa turn the scriptwriters into stone for skewing, nay, rewriting the mythology. Perseus and Andromeda not ending up together was like destroying one of the Romeo and Juliet's of Greek mythology. I mean, it's cool to have Andromeda become the queen bee and ruling Argus on her own, but Perseus ending up with Io? That's like saying Perseus was sneaking around with his father's mistress...what a dysfunctional family.

And where did these strange fantasy creatures come from? Bat-like monsters and gigantic scorpions? Was this movie under budget and sharing the set with The Mummy?

Lastly, did I really hear Perseus (Sam Worthington) say "Don't look that bitch in the eye" when they were hunting down Medusa? Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Release the Kraken!