After months and months of not publishing anything, here I am writing about a movie on a zombie-takeover. WTF, right? But this Brad 'what-the-hell-was-that-Chanel-commercial' Pitt movie about these flesh-eating, brainless monsters just opened a can of epic fails that I couldn't resist writing about. Don't get me wrong; anything with zombies are doomed to be tacky but World War Z far exceeded my expectations. Still, the film was peppered with egregious boo-boo's that were impossible to ignore...
Scene: Jerusalem
Quarantined Jerusalem fought long and hard to ward off the undead with their massive walls but everything just conveniently collapsed while Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt) was there on a visit. 1) What an unlucky bastard. 2) All this because of the refugees' loud singing. Zombie survival tip #1: no karaoke after dark.
Scene: Escaping zombie-infested Jerusalem, on board a Belarus commercial liner
Pilot handing back the phone to Gerry Lane, "Your battery's dead". Then Lane uses it later to call the UN headquarters. Either the pilot's a lying piece of shit, or the producer forgot that the phone was supposed to be dead.
Scene: Plane crash
Gerry Lane and Segen (Israeli soldier) survived a deadly plane crash. Gerry got his side pierced by a debris that should've punctured his lungs, intestines, liver or any other vital human organ. But of course, Pitt doesn't die of internal hemorrhage and manages to walk a couple of miles to the WHO headquarters in Scotland, that happens to be conveniently located near the crash site.
Scene: WHO Headquarters
Zombies were not supposed to attack the "seriously injured" and "terminally ill". They're not vampires or sharks which crave human blood. They're viruses looking for healthy human hosts. Now why are they still attacking Gerry Lane, who was severely injured in the plane crash and was supposed to be dead in the first place?
Overall, I still liked the movie. I even thought that if we were to have a Filipino version, it would be entitled "Zombinoys" and the movie would be over in 5 minutes.
Why? Are you kidding? 96 million people in the Philippines...it's an all-you-can-eat buffet! Ominominom.
Shawshank Redemption and Karate Kid were on HBO this week and I consider myself a masochist for watching Karate Kid twice. The movie was full of subliminal messages; a black kid getting beaten up by a Chinese kid makes you think if it's a preview of things to come i.e. the Chinese taking over the world. The black kid making out with a Chinese girl could only mean the world is truly mixing and we're going to have more biracial hotties like Tyson Beckford and Chanel Iman.
Cut to Shawshank.
After watching Shawshank again last night, I started to wonder about the trivial things movie directors purposely leave out in the movie. For example, before going to prison, do you get the chance to pick your final outfit as a free man or do they just haul you straight to jail? Do the feds schedule a pickup like "Mr. Dufresne, we will pick you up at 14:00 hours and drop you off at Shawshank at 14:30. Enjoy the rest of your life in prison." And if you do get to choose what to wear, what's the appropriate clothing for prison? In the case of Andy Dufresne, he opted for a suit. Well, that might have been appropriate considering it's almost like walking into your funeral...alive. I also thought what will happen to his house, his assets, his bank account? That will give the convicted felon something to think about every night while stuck in his cell for the next 20 years.
If you're clueless as to what level up means or think MMPORG is a goverment agency, you can stop reading now - this one is for the geeks.
I've recently seen RPG Metanoia and I'm praising the heavens for the pool of creative geniuses and their financial sponsors who finally came up with a refreshing story that is not the nth remake of Shake, Rattle and Roll, a horror film featuring Kris Aquino, or another misadventure of Enteng Kabisote.
Sidenote: I'm still confused why we show horror movies during Christmas season. Somebody must have an irrational obsession for Halloween, or he just wants to play the Grinch and spoil your Christmas by scaring the wits out of you.
There are just way too many good reasons why you should see RPG Metanoia. Who would want to miss a bentilador and longganisa in animated 3D? I laud the attention to detail, the smooth character animation and the brilliant script. The only miss in this movie is the dubbing. Makes you think of the Tagalog-dubbed Ghostfighter. (Remember Master Eugene who'd be pre-pubescent in one episode, and an old croaking frog the next? And there's Toguro and his 100% muscle power. Classic.)
I really hope the DVD release would have good subtitles that'll capture the poignant ways of Pinoy life. The winning one-liner: "Naka-level up na kooo!"
Check out the movie's website at www.rpgthemovie.com.
A few words on Tron - flat script, hip soundtrack, superb graphics. I was expecting Jeff Bridges to bring his Big Lebowski humor into this movie but was sorely disappointed. The humor's as dry as my skin in cold weather.
With every scene peppered with strobing neon lights and Daft Punk tunes, topped with that rebel biker hottie Garrett Hedlund, this movie makes the perfect alternative to a Zoukout party . If you're suffering from migraine, best to sit this one out.
