Two male Caucasians and three Pinays got off the cab I flagged down this morning. The driver told me, "Ang kukulit nung mga babae. Titirahin siguro sila nung dalawang foreigner." (The girls were so naughty. I bet the foreigners will screw them).
Five points for bluntness.
Me: Where did you pick them up?
Cabbie: Burgos.
Me: Ah.
Cabbie: Ma'am, I hope you won't think I'm a pervert, but I bet those foreigners are "big".
Me: Big?
Cabbie: You know. Big d***. Do you think they'll do the three girls? The one in black looks like he's good in bed. I saw his package, ma'am, it's big.
Me: But why were you checking out his package? Shouldn't you be checking out the girls?
Cabbie: I can't help it. He's wearing stretched pants.
Me (wanting to change the subject): Are you married?
Cabbie: Yes. Two wives. First one cheated on me so I dumped her. Maybe I wasn't big enough.
Changing the subject: fail!
Me: Well, it's not always about the size you know.
Cabbie: You know, I have a Japanese customer coming. He's very rich. I can introduce him to you. He's 58 years old.
This dude must be confused. The hookers got off at the Fort 15 minutes ago...
Cabbie turned pimp. Great.
Me: No way. 58??! He's older than my dad. That's gross.
Cabbie: But he has a lot of money.
Me: I don't care.
Cabbie: How tall are you?
Me: 5'7"-5'8".
Cabbie: You could be a model. Or a celebrity. I thought you were a celebrity. Para kang Maricar Reyes
Me: Who's Maricar Reyes?
Cabbie: You don't know her??! The one with Hayden Kho!
Was I supposed to know this woman? Must google this Maricar Reyes.
Cabbie: I know this director. But he only directs comedies. I think you need a manager.
From pimp to talent scout. Awesome.
I gave him a generous tip for the morning breakfast entertainment.
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Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Signed Sealed Not Delivered
I got a notice in my mailbox saying I have to pick up a package at the Taguig Post Office. Nobody seems to know where it is. Not surprised - turns out it's in the middle of nowhere.
The post office looked like an old warehouse (I suspect they have chicken coops at the back). One look at the place and I'm no longer surprised why we never get our mail.
I was asked to pay PHP40, but the man did not explain exactly why he's charging me PHP40. To cover the cost of delivering the note to my place? Then why didn't they just bring the damn package to begin with and we could've all saved ourselves a lot of trouble?!
The misery continues. I went to another door where I can pick up my package and I was appalled when they started ripping my box open in front of me. They said 'customs' needs to check it. Customs turns out to be this old guy digging into his lunch of boiled egg and rice. Mr. Customs asked me to evaluate the value of my package. I told him it's a used shirt and a pair of pants - they're not worth anything. He told me to estimate. I quoted a conservative amount, cause I know this bastard is going to tax me based on the package value. I told him PHP2000. He whipped out his calculator and started jabbing numbers...the total of my customs tax? PHP1200.
IS HE NUTS?????
I don't know what kind of math or economics he learned in school, but that's more than half of what my item is worth. I was seething. I told him I don't have the money, so he started "negotiating". He said okay, pay me PHP500 and you can walk away with your package. This guy had the nerve to hold me ransom with something that's rightfully mine! But when you're in their turf, you can't put up a fight. I allowed myself to be robbed of PHP500, which went straight to his wallet - literally.
I thought, if this kind of red tape happens in a measly post office, I can't imagine how much money is being extorted by bigger government sharks. People are trying to make a decent living and you steal their hard-earned money. Let me say this loud and clear: Shame on you. You disgust me.
The post office looked like an old warehouse (I suspect they have chicken coops at the back). One look at the place and I'm no longer surprised why we never get our mail.
I was asked to pay PHP40, but the man did not explain exactly why he's charging me PHP40. To cover the cost of delivering the note to my place? Then why didn't they just bring the damn package to begin with and we could've all saved ourselves a lot of trouble?!
The misery continues. I went to another door where I can pick up my package and I was appalled when they started ripping my box open in front of me. They said 'customs' needs to check it. Customs turns out to be this old guy digging into his lunch of boiled egg and rice. Mr. Customs asked me to evaluate the value of my package. I told him it's a used shirt and a pair of pants - they're not worth anything. He told me to estimate. I quoted a conservative amount, cause I know this bastard is going to tax me based on the package value. I told him PHP2000. He whipped out his calculator and started jabbing numbers...the total of my customs tax? PHP1200.
IS HE NUTS?????
I don't know what kind of math or economics he learned in school, but that's more than half of what my item is worth. I was seething. I told him I don't have the money, so he started "negotiating". He said okay, pay me PHP500 and you can walk away with your package. This guy had the nerve to hold me ransom with something that's rightfully mine! But when you're in their turf, you can't put up a fight. I allowed myself to be robbed of PHP500, which went straight to his wallet - literally.
I thought, if this kind of red tape happens in a measly post office, I can't imagine how much money is being extorted by bigger government sharks. People are trying to make a decent living and you steal their hard-earned money. Let me say this loud and clear: Shame on you. You disgust me.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The Taxi Driver's Pissed Off
I flagged down a cab along Rizal Drive at The Fort the other morning and the first thing the driver told me was, "Ma'am, naiihi na po ako (Ma'am, I really need to pee)". What do you do if a stranger tells you he needs to pee? The driver and I both know that peeing on the snobbish condominium walls of the Fort is unthinkable. His discomfort was apparent, because he was squirming in his seat and he can't even remember where we were going. As I have no intention of dying in a car accident with somebody who has a bursting bladder, I suggested we look for a gas station. Fortunately, we saw a construction site. So the driver illegally parked on the curb and literally jumped out to relieve himself.
Happier with an empty bladder, he told me how this has happened before, and he had to pee in a small plastic bottle. He said he almost filled the bottle to the brim. He was expecting me to say something so I said, "Imagine if the content spilled...uhm, your hands would've gotten wet (as if THAT was the most pressing issue...)."
At the back of my mind I was thinking, "Oh God, I hope I have exact change. The guy just pee'd, didn't wash.........oh dear, manong, keep the change. I insist."
Happier with an empty bladder, he told me how this has happened before, and he had to pee in a small plastic bottle. He said he almost filled the bottle to the brim. He was expecting me to say something so I said, "Imagine if the content spilled...uhm, your hands would've gotten wet (as if THAT was the most pressing issue...)."
At the back of my mind I was thinking, "Oh God, I hope I have exact change. The guy just pee'd, didn't wash.........oh dear, manong, keep the change. I insist."
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Who Missed the Bus?
I never thought I will ever, and I mean ever, come to the buses' defense considering our long-standing battle for EDSA-space. I told myself I will try to remain apathetic towards government policies as I'm in the brink of getting an epileptic seizure from incessantly rolling my eyes. But like an itch that needs to be scratched, I just have to blog about buses being included in the unified color coding scheme, which I've mathematically proven as ineffective in the first place.
Yes, they're big, they're nasty, they honk like mad, and they consider the MMDA a figment of their imagination (traffic rules? what traffic rules?). And as much as we'd like to get rid of them for good, buses are part of this delicate ecosystem called public transport. A bus can transport 30-50 people at any given time, making them the most efficient transport system next to the MRT. Take the buses away and you'll have hundreds of passengers stranded on the road (that's them waving at the news camera right now).
The problem is, we're not getting to the root of the problem. Too many people, too many cars, too little space. There is no control over the volume of private vehicles. There's Mr. Politician who has 10 cars - one for each child, one for the wife, and one for each mistress. Potentially, that's 10 cars on the road carrying one passenger each, or maximum two. Inefficiency, anyone?
What's worse, because of the color coding scheme, people are being 'forced' to buy two cars, which aggravates the whole volume problem to begin with. Good for the car manufacturers, bad for you and me.
We don't need any more stupid traffic schemes like "U-turns" which is the root of all bottlenecks and dangerous swerving. We don't need more flyovers or road extensions...what we need is an efficient public transport system. We need more interconnected railway systems (how come nobody has thought of building an MRT line along Espana/Quezon Avenue, connecting to EDSA?) We need stricter law enforcement. Slap bus operators with tickets and fine them for their drivers' misdemeanors. If they refuse to play nice, teach them a lesson and suspend a few of them, and let them take a financial hit for refusing to obey traffic laws.
We need to control the volume of cars. Impose higher taxes on the purchase of third vehicles, fourth (to the infinity) vehicles. If they can afford to buy a third car, they might as well contribute to the public fund, so we can give our traffic enforcers a pay raise so they would stop taking bribes.
Also, why not incentivize private corporations to provide shuttles for their employees? They don't need to shoulder the entire operational costs; I'm sure employees wouldn't mind coughing up a few pesos for bus fare in lieu of paying for gasoline.
If these don't work, just air a Pacquiao fight - zero traffic jam guaranteed.
Yes, they're big, they're nasty, they honk like mad, and they consider the MMDA a figment of their imagination (traffic rules? what traffic rules?). And as much as we'd like to get rid of them for good, buses are part of this delicate ecosystem called public transport. A bus can transport 30-50 people at any given time, making them the most efficient transport system next to the MRT. Take the buses away and you'll have hundreds of passengers stranded on the road (that's them waving at the news camera right now).
The problem is, we're not getting to the root of the problem. Too many people, too many cars, too little space. There is no control over the volume of private vehicles. There's Mr. Politician who has 10 cars - one for each child, one for the wife, and one for each mistress. Potentially, that's 10 cars on the road carrying one passenger each, or maximum two. Inefficiency, anyone?
What's worse, because of the color coding scheme, people are being 'forced' to buy two cars, which aggravates the whole volume problem to begin with. Good for the car manufacturers, bad for you and me.
We don't need any more stupid traffic schemes like "U-turns" which is the root of all bottlenecks and dangerous swerving. We don't need more flyovers or road extensions...what we need is an efficient public transport system. We need more interconnected railway systems (how come nobody has thought of building an MRT line along Espana/Quezon Avenue, connecting to EDSA?) We need stricter law enforcement. Slap bus operators with tickets and fine them for their drivers' misdemeanors. If they refuse to play nice, teach them a lesson and suspend a few of them, and let them take a financial hit for refusing to obey traffic laws.
We need to control the volume of cars. Impose higher taxes on the purchase of third vehicles, fourth (to the infinity) vehicles. If they can afford to buy a third car, they might as well contribute to the public fund, so we can give our traffic enforcers a pay raise so they would stop taking bribes.
Also, why not incentivize private corporations to provide shuttles for their employees? They don't need to shoulder the entire operational costs; I'm sure employees wouldn't mind coughing up a few pesos for bus fare in lieu of paying for gasoline.
If these don't work, just air a Pacquiao fight - zero traffic jam guaranteed.
The Math Behind Traffic Jams
Last week, I was stuck in traffic, which is pretty much a natural phenomenon in Manila, and thought I'd put my math review to good use.
I wanted to find out if the unified color coding scheme actually has an impact on the overall reduction of the volume of cars in Manila. There are a couple of unknowns which put limitations to my asusmptions.
Unknowns:
The number of registered private vehicles in Manila
The distribution of plate numbers ending from 0-9
So, on with the calculation.
There are 10 possible plate number endings: 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.
Philippine plate numbers contain 3 numbers, and there are 1000 (10*10*10) possible ways to rearrange these numbers (e.g. 341, 213, 111 etc.)
There are 26 letters in the alphabet that comprise the first 3 characters of the plate number. There are 17,576 ways to arrange these letters.
Combining the two, there's a total of 17,576,00 possible plate numbers that can be issued in the Philippines.
Assuming the LTO has only issued 10% of these plate numbers in Manila, that means we have 1,757,600 cars on the road, private and public inclusive.
If we take out 2 plate numbers every day, a total of 14,060,800 cars will be banned on the road for one day every week. Since we don't know how many plate numbers were issued for each number between 0-9, and how many are private vehicles, we'll assume that only 2% are on the streets (roughly, this means 2 out of 100 cars end in 1 or 2 and are private vehicles). That means we take out 281,216 daily, which translates to an overall reduction of 16%. And what about the other 84%? They're still honking their way along EDSA, Makati, C5, C3....
I wanted to find out if the unified color coding scheme actually has an impact on the overall reduction of the volume of cars in Manila. There are a couple of unknowns which put limitations to my asusmptions.
Unknowns:
The number of registered private vehicles in Manila
The distribution of plate numbers ending from 0-9
So, on with the calculation.
There are 10 possible plate number endings: 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.
Philippine plate numbers contain 3 numbers, and there are 1000 (10*10*10) possible ways to rearrange these numbers (e.g. 341, 213, 111 etc.)
There are 26 letters in the alphabet that comprise the first 3 characters of the plate number. There are 17,576 ways to arrange these letters.
Combining the two, there's a total of 17,576,00 possible plate numbers that can be issued in the Philippines.
Assuming the LTO has only issued 10% of these plate numbers in Manila, that means we have 1,757,600 cars on the road, private and public inclusive.
If we take out 2 plate numbers every day, a total of 14,060,800 cars will be banned on the road for one day every week. Since we don't know how many plate numbers were issued for each number between 0-9, and how many are private vehicles, we'll assume that only 2% are on the streets (roughly, this means 2 out of 100 cars end in 1 or 2 and are private vehicles). That means we take out 281,216 daily, which translates to an overall reduction of 16%. And what about the other 84%? They're still honking their way along EDSA, Makati, C5, C3....
Saturday, November 13, 2010
English, please.
I took my TOEFL exam this morning. The first reading comprehension article screwed me up. I guess I needed to jumpstart my brain into thinking mode, especially if it came from a night with Christian Bale (Dark Knight was on HBO last night). I didn't pace myself well during the first part, and probably missed a couple of questions. And it didn't help that people were doing their microphone tests while I was reading an article about the Pleistocene Era (This is for illustrative purposes only. I signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement, duh. Don't even think I'll let you have it easy by giving you clues when I worked my butt off in there.)
But I recovered and did better in the consequent articles. I did fine on the listening part, though some of the questions were a bit tricky. By the time the third listening test rolled in, I had trouble concentrating...I was getting hungry. So I just fought my way through the questions and took the mandatory 10-minute break where I ate my sandwich, took a pee break and mentally braced myself for the speaking and writing part. I started out shaky, cause I didn't know what to expect. We had very little time to prepare and gather our thoughts, and being the motormouth, I always went over the time limit, and got cut off. Not sure if that will count against me (for talking too much?). I'm pretty confident I did well in 2 questions. The writing part was a piece of cake cause I had a lot of practice (blogging included). Just struggled with the last part cause I had a last minute brain fart, and that rendered the concluding paragraph a bit loose. I'll find out how I did in 15 days. If i screwed up, well, I'll just take it again. No biggie.
One of the things I've learned is never take exams too seriously. By that I don't mean completely drop studying and hope your prayers will save you. Hit the books, take classes, do whatever you have to do but take the stress factor out. The more I stress about a test, the worse I perform on the actual test day. If you screw up, just take it again. It's completely useless to try and ponder why you didn't do well (mental block, too cold, too noisy, Christian Bale, etc.) cause what's done is done.
So, the 15-day countdown for results starts now...
But I recovered and did better in the consequent articles. I did fine on the listening part, though some of the questions were a bit tricky. By the time the third listening test rolled in, I had trouble concentrating...I was getting hungry. So I just fought my way through the questions and took the mandatory 10-minute break where I ate my sandwich, took a pee break and mentally braced myself for the speaking and writing part. I started out shaky, cause I didn't know what to expect. We had very little time to prepare and gather our thoughts, and being the motormouth, I always went over the time limit, and got cut off. Not sure if that will count against me (for talking too much?). I'm pretty confident I did well in 2 questions. The writing part was a piece of cake cause I had a lot of practice (blogging included). Just struggled with the last part cause I had a last minute brain fart, and that rendered the concluding paragraph a bit loose. I'll find out how I did in 15 days. If i screwed up, well, I'll just take it again. No biggie.
One of the things I've learned is never take exams too seriously. By that I don't mean completely drop studying and hope your prayers will save you. Hit the books, take classes, do whatever you have to do but take the stress factor out. The more I stress about a test, the worse I perform on the actual test day. If you screw up, just take it again. It's completely useless to try and ponder why you didn't do well (mental block, too cold, too noisy, Christian Bale, etc.) cause what's done is done.
So, the 15-day countdown for results starts now...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
And then you remember...
This is one of those days when you remember, "I have a blog where I can rant about the inconsiderate neighbors doing a karaoke marathon because it's someone's birthday and political victory party, so they're going to sing their hearts out regardless of their offkey singing and bad taste in music. Who cares about that kill-joy bitch upstairs who's trying to find some quiet time to study for an exam?" There. Done venting. I hope you choke on that sizzling pork's face, you lousy alcoholic bastards.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The French Diaries
Aug 8 - Touched down Paris 6AM. Cramped seat + 2 movies + turbulence = RED EYE.
Aug 9-11: Spent 3 days in Rouen. It's a very laidback town with nice and polite people (which stumps all prejudice on French rudeness). And holy macarons! The boulangerie is a sinful place to be with those sugary, irresistible pastries that can make 'diet' disappear from your vocabulary.
Aug 12: I got back to Paris last night, and had to do laundry this morning. All the buttons were in French and I had to Google Translate them one by one to figure out which one was 'wash'. My own 'lost in translation' moment.
Aug 13: I saw dead people, including Oscar Wilde and Jim Morrison, at Cimetiere Pere Lachaise. Oscar Wilde's tomb was peppered by women's lipstick kisses. Romantic or not, I found it quite gross.
Aug 14 -18: If you ask me to describe Brittany in three syllables, that would be boats, stripes and crepes. I came at a perfect time and was able to join a pardon and relive my Marian procession days. Everything was almost the same, except that the Ave Maria was in French. The mass was in French, but I've been to Chinese, Cebuano and Ilocano celebrations before so I'm pretty adept at lip-syncing and appearing solemn while trying to catch anything that resembles English. I've donned the Breton striped shirt in honor of the occasion and stuffed my face with crepes and galletes.
Sailor stereotypes are aplenty in Brittany. You know, the old, tanned and bearded men who resemble old Pappy from Popeye. Wonder if they have enough spinach to go around.
Mont Saint Michel is one of the greatest experiences I've ever had. Ever. We walked across the natural land bridge which was a 7 kilometer trek from the tourist information center to the abbey. I was very fortunate to have been able to do this.
August 19: The only bike I've ridden for the last few years was the stationary bike at California Fitness, so you can just imagine my anxiety when I had to bike around Paris. I started a bit shaky, scared that a bus or a car would run me over. Or worse, that I'd run over someone. But I survived, without any mishaps. If there's anything I've learned today, it's that I wasn't born to do Tour de France.
August 28-29: Awesome performance by Massive Attack, LCD Soundsystem & The Ting-Tings at Rock en Seine. It rained on the second day and I was soaked to the second layer of my clothing (hah! I had three layers...in the summer. Yes, un femme du Asie). I caught a cold the next day, and was feverish. Not cool.
August 30-September 3: Worked a day in the Paris office, spent the rest visiting the museums, grocery shopping, touristy shopping (yes, those I heart Paris stores would be hard to resist after you walk past the 10th store), cooking, cleaning (no, I did not moonlight as a maid), parties, studying, watched Step Up 3D.
September 4: Attended a friend's wedding - my first French wedding. Since everything had meat, I starved. Macarons, candies, sweets and champagne saved me from my personal famine - I was on a sugar high afterwards. Everything was beautiful - the newlyweds, the location, the people!
September 5: Up, up and away in a French balloon! The view was spectacular. It whetted my desire to go skydiving. Spent some time at Parc Buttes Chaumont. Too crowded on a Sunday but climbing the hill and walking around the park was good exercise.
September 6: Spent the afternoon at Musee Guimet and the rest of the day reading. Will witness my first French transport strike tomorrow.
I have no idea why people keep asking me for directions. My current tally is at 5. Am I starting to look French? NOT.
Aug 9-11: Spent 3 days in Rouen. It's a very laidback town with nice and polite people (which stumps all prejudice on French rudeness). And holy macarons! The boulangerie is a sinful place to be with those sugary, irresistible pastries that can make 'diet' disappear from your vocabulary.
Aug 12: I got back to Paris last night, and had to do laundry this morning. All the buttons were in French and I had to Google Translate them one by one to figure out which one was 'wash'. My own 'lost in translation' moment.
Aug 13: I saw dead people, including Oscar Wilde and Jim Morrison, at Cimetiere Pere Lachaise. Oscar Wilde's tomb was peppered by women's lipstick kisses. Romantic or not, I found it quite gross.
Aug 14 -18: If you ask me to describe Brittany in three syllables, that would be boats, stripes and crepes. I came at a perfect time and was able to join a pardon and relive my Marian procession days. Everything was almost the same, except that the Ave Maria was in French. The mass was in French, but I've been to Chinese, Cebuano and Ilocano celebrations before so I'm pretty adept at lip-syncing and appearing solemn while trying to catch anything that resembles English. I've donned the Breton striped shirt in honor of the occasion and stuffed my face with crepes and galletes.
Sailor stereotypes are aplenty in Brittany. You know, the old, tanned and bearded men who resemble old Pappy from Popeye. Wonder if they have enough spinach to go around.
Mont Saint Michel is one of the greatest experiences I've ever had. Ever. We walked across the natural land bridge which was a 7 kilometer trek from the tourist information center to the abbey. I was very fortunate to have been able to do this.
August 19: The only bike I've ridden for the last few years was the stationary bike at California Fitness, so you can just imagine my anxiety when I had to bike around Paris. I started a bit shaky, scared that a bus or a car would run me over. Or worse, that I'd run over someone. But I survived, without any mishaps. If there's anything I've learned today, it's that I wasn't born to do Tour de France.
August 28-29: Awesome performance by Massive Attack, LCD Soundsystem & The Ting-Tings at Rock en Seine. It rained on the second day and I was soaked to the second layer of my clothing (hah! I had three layers...in the summer. Yes, un femme du Asie). I caught a cold the next day, and was feverish. Not cool.
August 30-September 3: Worked a day in the Paris office, spent the rest visiting the museums, grocery shopping, touristy shopping (yes, those I heart Paris stores would be hard to resist after you walk past the 10th store), cooking, cleaning (no, I did not moonlight as a maid), parties, studying, watched Step Up 3D.
September 4: Attended a friend's wedding - my first French wedding. Since everything had meat, I starved. Macarons, candies, sweets and champagne saved me from my personal famine - I was on a sugar high afterwards. Everything was beautiful - the newlyweds, the location, the people!
September 5: Up, up and away in a French balloon! The view was spectacular. It whetted my desire to go skydiving. Spent some time at Parc Buttes Chaumont. Too crowded on a Sunday but climbing the hill and walking around the park was good exercise.
September 6: Spent the afternoon at Musee Guimet and the rest of the day reading. Will witness my first French transport strike tomorrow.
I have no idea why people keep asking me for directions. My current tally is at 5. Am I starting to look French? NOT.
Back to Barracks
I admit it - I've been Singaporeanized. Three years of living in the land of laksa, durian and char kway teow have dulled the survival instincts honed by the streets of Sampaloc. Self-reminders when I get back to Manila:
1. Tighten my grip on my mobile phone.
2. Zip my handbag.
3. Wear backpacks in reverse and look like a pregnant woman. Or worse, my dad.
4. Remember that efficiency will cease to exist. Completely.
5. Remember that if Singapore have asshole drivers, Manila would have 5x more.
6. Turn paranoia to full blast.
7. Remember that there's a Starbucks in every corner of the city that could potentially rob me PHP500 daily for a quick caffeine fix.
8. Stay away from the evil, consumerism-driven establishments called malls.
9. Wanted, unwanted, drunk and sober friends alike will crash into my crib. No fail.
10. Remember that there's a weekend job called 'mom's driver'.
7. Remember that there's a Starbucks in every corner of the city that could potentially rob me PHP500 daily for a quick caffeine fix.
8. Stay away from the evil, consumerism-driven establishments called malls.
9. Wanted, unwanted, drunk and sober friends alike will crash into my crib. No fail.
10. Remember that there's a weekend job called 'mom's driver'.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Inversity
"Inversity"
The law of inverse relationships.
Queues and your patience - As the line gets longer, your patience gets shorter. So move your asses, goddamn slowpokes!
Distance and punctuality -Those who live the closest to their offices are never on time.
Height and ego - Also known as the Napoleon complex.
A man's looks and his car - Hot cars, ugly drivers.
Alcohol and intelligence - Increased alcohol consumption leads to decreased brain function.
Years of marriage and sex - According to Russell Peters, also known as the onegina disease.
*These suggestions are a product of the author's insuppressible urge to give unsolicited opinions. Any similarities in real life are purely coincidental.
The law of inverse relationships.
Queues and your patience - As the line gets longer, your patience gets shorter. So move your asses, goddamn slowpokes!
Distance and punctuality -Those who live the closest to their offices are never on time.
Height and ego - Also known as the Napoleon complex.
A man's looks and his car - Hot cars, ugly drivers.
Alcohol and intelligence - Increased alcohol consumption leads to decreased brain function.
Years of marriage and sex - According to Russell Peters, also known as the onegina disease.
*These suggestions are a product of the author's insuppressible urge to give unsolicited opinions. Any similarities in real life are purely coincidental.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Total Eclipse of My Heart
There is only one reason I will spend $10 for Eclipse - Taylor Lautner and his ripped body. This boy is probably 9 years my junior...erm, cougar who?
The third installment didn't improve my relatively low opinion of the whole vampire saga (sorry, but Bram Stoker and Anne Rice still rule my world of nosferatu). Kirsten Stewart had the same, bland acting (if you can even call that acting) which matched the pallor of her skin. I was never her big fan. And was it just me or was Robert Pattinson having a hard time talking through that mouthful of fangs? Better not start chewing gum, or you'll be in a lot of trouble.
I found it extremely funny that Bella was trying to force Edward to have sex with her, and Edward prudently refused because he wanted them to get married first. If you ask me, the real reason is he couldn't get it up because the bloodsucker is 100 years old AND dead. It made me wonder - does Edward even have sperm, considering he's a corpse?
Jacob had a ton of witty lines that I find absolutely adorable. Must be me and my love of canines. Watch this episode of What The Buck where Michael "I'm not pointing at my crotch - Glittertits!" Buckley gives you a hilarious commentary of the movie. My favorite comment: Victoria runs so fast even the wolves couldn't catch her - they huffed, and they puffed and they still can't blow that bitch down.
The third installment didn't improve my relatively low opinion of the whole vampire saga (sorry, but Bram Stoker and Anne Rice still rule my world of nosferatu). Kirsten Stewart had the same, bland acting (if you can even call that acting) which matched the pallor of her skin. I was never her big fan. And was it just me or was Robert Pattinson having a hard time talking through that mouthful of fangs? Better not start chewing gum, or you'll be in a lot of trouble.
I found it extremely funny that Bella was trying to force Edward to have sex with her, and Edward prudently refused because he wanted them to get married first. If you ask me, the real reason is he couldn't get it up because the bloodsucker is 100 years old AND dead. It made me wonder - does Edward even have sperm, considering he's a corpse?
Jacob had a ton of witty lines that I find absolutely adorable. Must be me and my love of canines. Watch this episode of What The Buck where Michael "I'm not pointing at my crotch - Glittertits!" Buckley gives you a hilarious commentary of the movie. My favorite comment: Victoria runs so fast even the wolves couldn't catch her - they huffed, and they puffed and they still can't blow that bitch down.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
No Straight Arrow & Forever After
Two movie habits that people find strange about me: 1) I can watch movies alone 2) I would prefer an action adventure or 3D animation over a sappy romantic film anytime. I have no patience for regurgitated romantic plots where two people fall in love and live happily ever after. Imagine my glee when somebody finally found the balls to kill Meg Ryan's character in City of Angels. Not surprised that people hated that movie.
I watched Robinhood two weeks ago and sad to say, Sir Ridley Scott missed his mark. Some scenes were a drag, Russell Crowe was the Gladiator who mastered archery without the strappy sandals, and it was short of being a movie simply made to stroke the British ego. Cate Blanchett was brilliant, as usual. Scott's gloomy version of Robinhood was nothing like Howard Pyle's merry, thieving weasel. Give me that sly old fox of Disney anytime.
Today was for the stinking. mud-loving ogre who was transported to an alternate universe after signing a deal with Rumplestiltskin. I've had my share of laughs and got my $10 worth of amusement. But nothing beats the original Shek movie with that kick-ass Duloc Song.
Keep your feet off the grass,
Shine your shoes,
Wipe your........face!!
I watched Robinhood two weeks ago and sad to say, Sir Ridley Scott missed his mark. Some scenes were a drag, Russell Crowe was the Gladiator who mastered archery without the strappy sandals, and it was short of being a movie simply made to stroke the British ego. Cate Blanchett was brilliant, as usual. Scott's gloomy version of Robinhood was nothing like Howard Pyle's merry, thieving weasel. Give me that sly old fox of Disney anytime.
Today was for the stinking. mud-loving ogre who was transported to an alternate universe after signing a deal with Rumplestiltskin. I've had my share of laughs and got my $10 worth of amusement. But nothing beats the original Shek movie with that kick-ass Duloc Song.
Keep your feet off the grass,
Shine your shoes,
Wipe your........face!!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Maybe Tomorrow...Things Would Get Better
I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe
Friday, April 23, 2010
When Shallow Goes Deep: Volume I
A compilation of "quotes" that made me go "huh?"
In a contest that asked participants the definition of a man or woman:
1. I am the woman who believes in myself. Nothing is impossible, as a women rule the world!
4. I am the man as I am going shout to the world that skinny guys can be cool too!
5. A little girly on the outside, I'm still a fully grown man on the inside.
In a contest that asked participants the definition of a man or woman:
1. I am the woman who believes in myself. Nothing is impossible, as a women rule the world!
Sweetheart, before you rule the world, take the "a" before women.
2. I am the Man because she said so.
Who's she? Ah, must be your mother.
3. Why am I the man? Cause what I'm wearing represents me as the man I am.
2. I am the Man because she said so.
Who's she? Ah, must be your mother.
3. Why am I the man? Cause what I'm wearing represents me as the man I am.
So if you're not wearing anything, you're nothing.
Shush. Order your whey protein and hit the gym - pronto!
Not a girl, now a man, not yet a woman.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Medusa Got Me Stoned
First of all, I'm glad I didn't pay extra for the 3D version of the movie. Second of all, I'm glad I didn't get popcorn or the calories wouldn't have been worth it.
In my opinion, 80% of remakes are headed for disaster. Most try to "own" the story but only end up bastardizing the plot. To compensate, they bombard us with state-of-the-art 3D effects.
Everyone who's read Edith Hamilton's Greek Mythology would've had Medusa turn the scriptwriters into stone for skewing, nay, rewriting the mythology. Perseus and Andromeda not ending up together was like destroying one of the Romeo and Juliet's of Greek mythology. I mean, it's cool to have Andromeda become the queen bee and ruling Argus on her own, but Perseus ending up with Io? That's like saying Perseus was sneaking around with his father's mistress...what a dysfunctional family.
And where did these strange fantasy creatures come from? Bat-like monsters and gigantic scorpions? Was this movie under budget and sharing the set with The Mummy?
Lastly, did I really hear Perseus (Sam Worthington) say "Don't look that bitch in the eye" when they were hunting down Medusa? Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Release the Kraken!
In my opinion, 80% of remakes are headed for disaster. Most try to "own" the story but only end up bastardizing the plot. To compensate, they bombard us with state-of-the-art 3D effects.
Everyone who's read Edith Hamilton's Greek Mythology would've had Medusa turn the scriptwriters into stone for skewing, nay, rewriting the mythology. Perseus and Andromeda not ending up together was like destroying one of the Romeo and Juliet's of Greek mythology. I mean, it's cool to have Andromeda become the queen bee and ruling Argus on her own, but Perseus ending up with Io? That's like saying Perseus was sneaking around with his father's mistress...what a dysfunctional family.
And where did these strange fantasy creatures come from? Bat-like monsters and gigantic scorpions? Was this movie under budget and sharing the set with The Mummy?
Lastly, did I really hear Perseus (Sam Worthington) say "Don't look that bitch in the eye" when they were hunting down Medusa? Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Release the Kraken!
Monday, March 22, 2010
ESTJ
ESTJ (Extroversion, Sensing, Thinking, Judgment)
Strengths
Generally enthusiastic, upbeat and friendly
Stable and dependable, they can be counted on to promote security for their families
Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
Responsible about taking care of day-to-day practical concerns around the house
Usually good (albeit conservative) with money
Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
Interested in resolving conflict, rather than ignoring it
Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
Able to move on after a relationship breaks up
Able to administer discipline when necessary
Weaknesses
Tendency to believe that they are always right
Tendency to need to always be in charge
Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
Tendency to be materialistic and status-conscious
Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Not So Mad About the Hatter
I just watched Alice in Wonderland today and anything that requires me to wear those funky shades in the cinema automatically earns 2 fun factor points. In my opinion, nothing bad can come out of a Burton-Depp movie, but AIW wasn't that mind-blowing. In some scenes, the Mad Hatter was morphing into Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in my head...I didn't feel the Mad Hatter had a distinct quirkiness it can claim its own. I also thought Alice in Wonderland had a bit of Narnia thrown into it (the sword and the queen perhaps?) and I never expected the blond, blue-eyed Alice who falls into tree holes while chasing rabbits will be a dragon slayer one day. Honestly, I barely remember the cartoon version, 'cause it lacked the signature Disney Prince Charming and sticky songs (why'd you think The Little Mermaid was every girl's all time favorite?).
The verdict? Probably not worth a second watch but good enough to amuse you on a Saturday afternoon.
PS: I still heart you, Johnny Depp, even though this was not one of your best Burton movies.
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Vegetarian On Being Well, Vegetarian
So you've made that choice - you're not eating meat for good. You've sworn not to bite into another McDonald's cheeseburger, you promised never to walk into another KFC, you no longer think of nuggets when you see a chicken, and you're ready to strip for PETA (only if you have a body like Pamela Anderson. Otherwise, please do not scare the animals). And when I say meat, I mean all animals walking, flying, slithering and swimming. We will not start that debate on fish, cause that conversation will not end 'til the cows, the sheep and the entire animal farm come home. I will not question your reason: religion, altruism, ecological, health, animosity towards plants that you decided to devour them, chlorophyll cravings, or maybe being a cow in your past life. I congratulate you on your choice 'cause it was not an easy one to make. And for one who's been vegetarian for almost 4 years, here's what I have to say:
The Diets
The Rawfooders - Probably the cleanest and purest diet I've ever tried. However, dining out is a challenge, especially in our fastfood-infested world. You can't walk up to the waiter and say, "Give me my carrots and give it to me raw!" Fruits are not always available and get ready to be pestered when you only have salad for lunch: you're on a diet? why are you on a diet? are you sure you're full? you eat so little...You'd be dying to throw tomatoes at your friends by the time you're done with lunch.
The Compensating Junkies - Being vegetarian doesn't mean a free meal ticket to all food that has no meat like cakes, potato chips, French fries, doughnuts and chocolates. The common thinking, "I don't eat meat so I'll eat everything else" is a binge eater's mentality. If you feel that not eating meat created a void, better not be a vegetarian cause filling this void with junk will only make you unhealthy.
The Fruitarians - I admire your discipline, but I don't know how you do it.
The Annoyances
"I don't understand how you can give up meat. This burger tastes soooooo good."
Don't hate me if I say you're an insensitive, cow-murdering prick. And I hope you choke on that burger.
"You never eat with us."
So I can stare at you while you bite into that chicken leg? Spare me.
"Humans are supposed to eat animals."
See if you can still say that when you become a chicken in your next life.
The FAQs
Are vegetarians generally wimpy, weak and pallid?
Take a good look at my photo. Call that pallid and I'll call you color blind. I do weight training, Bodycombat, Pilates so dare call me a wimp and I'll kick your ass.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Yes, unless you're on a low-carb diet.
Are there any fat vegetarians?
Yes. As there are skinny meat eaters.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Why So Serious?
I try to be funny in my blogs, but there are times when humor becomes dry and unfortunately, there's no moisturizer for dry humor.
I haven't been doing so fantastically in some aspects of my life, and being a headstrong Ram who sets high standards for herself and works hard to get what she wants, this is extremely frustrating. So I started writing my own collection of encouraging and philosophical quotes, and maybe one day I can publish a book, turn it into a bestseller, and earn shitloads of royalty money. Then I can work for the WWF (not the wrestling federation, hello?) and save the world! (Would life give me brownie points for being unselfish for once?) I noticed I always think like this when I'm wearing my Superman underwear - uh, pretend I didn't say that. Too much information)
- If you don't get what you want, WAIT. There might be something better in store for you. Think of it as waiting for a dress to go on sale.
- When you get knocked down, would you rather remain sprawled on the floor or get up? Remember, if you stay on the floor, people will step on you.
- Numbers always try to put people in categories - height (short or tall), weight (skinny or fat), scores (dumb or smart), age (young or old). If you let numbers define you, then you're nothing but a mere statistic.
- Don't whine and tell me you have a lot of beef with life. Why not be vegetarian and take some 'shrooms?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Prestige (If you haven't watched it, let me spoil it for you)
I was meaning to write something about "The Prestige" right after watching it a month ago but whoops! must've slipped my mind (my brain is quite wet and slippery these days).
Yes, I'm talking about that 2006 Hugh Jackman-Christian Bale starrer. Though quite highly-rated at IMDB (8.4 stars out of 10), I didn't really want to get into a deep discussion and debate about how the whole movie became predictable. Remember that scene when Hugh Jackman was at his wife's funeral, then a remorseful Bale shows up? Jackman was blaming Bale for the death of his wife, and it was sooo obvious that Jackman was going to say, "You didn't know? Pause. YOU DIDN'T KNOW????!!!". And it also doesn't take a genius to figure out that Christian Bale's character, Alfred Borden, did have a twin, that allowed him to do two important things - magically teletransport and screw two women at the same time.
Anyway, "The Prestige" ends with a climax, no pun intended. Go see it and you'll know what I mean.
What I wanted to discuss was...how do you stay focused on a movie that has two gorgeous men playing protagonist-antagonist? It's Interview with the Vampire all over again! Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise? Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise??? Darn that lucky brat Kirsten Dunst. And man, Antonio Banderas in the same movie? It's hormonal chaos.
Anyway, "The Prestige" ends with a climax, no pun intended. Go see it and you'll know what I mean.
Gwen Had a Little Lamb
Announcement: This is my 15-minute gay time, celebrating New York's Fashion Week. I've subscribed to Rachel Zoe's newsletter (fashion stylist for Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, and other celebrities) and man, does that skinny woman have great fashion finds (so check out her site, girlfriends - www.rachelzoe.com).
Gwen "Hollaback girl - this shit is bananas" Stefani's L.A.M.B. collection at New York's Fashion Week just rocked my world. Awesome collection.
Now this plaid coat really made me B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Too bad I can't wear it in Singapore because I have no desire to have sweaty pits.
Gotta rock this frock!
A cute mini dress for your flirtatious conquests.
Get the complete collection here.
I've always liked Valentino's clean and simple cuts. His spring collection involves flowing wrap dresses, ruffles and solid geometric arcs and shapes. Here are some of my faves:
A burst of yellow sunshine in this toga dress, which gathers to the side to create that elegant drape.
Celebrating lines and colors in this body hugging minidress.
A glittering ensemble like this calls for a big occasion (and long skinny legs. Switch to black tights if you don't want to risk your thighs looking like sausages wrapped in gold foil).
Check out more of 2010's fashion collection at
http://www.style.com
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Who's Gramophobic?
People have been talking about the Superbowl, and everyone's starting to make their Oscars bets, and I'm still pissed about Taylor Swift winning Album of the Year at the Grammys (together with a whole bunch of golden gramophones she didn't deserve).
Her off-key performance still makes me cringe like nails on a chalkboard, and I'm starting to suspect that she's nothing but a nicely packaged commercial popstar who's vocals are as good as the latest synthesizer. And to her record label who came to her "defense", puh-leez. Shove that whole "she's the voice of the new generation" crap up your ass, 'cause this ain't a Pepsi commercial. Shouldn't the Grammys be recognizing the revolutionary and the innovative artists of our time, who have shaped the music industry and left creative footprints to inspire the next generation of music wannabes? Taylor Swift just isn't extraordinary enough, with her cliche teeny-bopper love songs and average vocal quality. So what if she can write her own songs and play the guitar? There are millions out there who can do that; they're all over MySpace and YouTube. Now I'm not crazy over Lady Gaga, but that haute-couture-gay-extraordinaire of a woman deserved an award for resurrecting the electro dance pop culture of America (it's been quite dead since Boy George and 2 Unlimited). And the Black Eyed Peas has also proven themselves worthy by being a monster hit-churning machine. Never mind Beyonce - she has enough Grammys to sell on eBay.
This year at the Grammys was extremely disappointing - where was Kanye West when you needed him?
Her off-key performance still makes me cringe like nails on a chalkboard, and I'm starting to suspect that she's nothing but a nicely packaged commercial popstar who's vocals are as good as the latest synthesizer. And to her record label who came to her "defense", puh-leez. Shove that whole "she's the voice of the new generation" crap up your ass, 'cause this ain't a Pepsi commercial. Shouldn't the Grammys be recognizing the revolutionary and the innovative artists of our time, who have shaped the music industry and left creative footprints to inspire the next generation of music wannabes? Taylor Swift just isn't extraordinary enough, with her cliche teeny-bopper love songs and average vocal quality. So what if she can write her own songs and play the guitar? There are millions out there who can do that; they're all over MySpace and YouTube. Now I'm not crazy over Lady Gaga, but that haute-couture-gay-extraordinaire of a woman deserved an award for resurrecting the electro dance pop culture of America (it's been quite dead since Boy George and 2 Unlimited). And the Black Eyed Peas has also proven themselves worthy by being a monster hit-churning machine. Never mind Beyonce - she has enough Grammys to sell on eBay.
This year at the Grammys was extremely disappointing - where was Kanye West when you needed him?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Triple X
It doesn't take a lot of words for your ex to send you into a spiraling hole of psychotic analytical rage. As a matter of fact, it only takes two letters - H.I. Either a short SMS or an email subject. Those two letters could launch you into a verbal diarrhea of "why's," reconciliation possibilities and happy endings. But let this cynic slap you silly and crush your fantasies of sweet ales and pink roses:
We mark things "X" when they're wrong...have you ever realized that's probably why you call that boy your "ex"? Think, girl, think!
- A message 2 days post-break up can only mean one thing: booty call.
- He messaged you because he's a.) bored b.) curious c.) exploring his options. But that doesn't mean he wants you back.
- Texting you has become a habit...and he's trying to break away from it. But then, that doesn't make you any different from a cigarette, does it?
- He's being selfish. If his famous last words were, "I can't be with you, but I can't live without you. Can we still be friends?" The correct response should be, "I have over 500 friends on Facebook. I don't need you. And can't you go any lamer than quoting Todd Rundgren?" (Turn around, and slowly walk away, hold your head high and swing your hips gracefully. But if hopping is more your thing, then hop away like a free Energizer bunny.)
- He's drunk-texting. Like drunk-dialing or drunk-tweeting. Don't be flattered that he's thinking about you when he's drunk, 'cause he's not. That fifth glass of whisky just turned his brain into a soft gelatinous mush. He probably doesn't want you back and is just being himself - stupid, that is.
We mark things "X" when they're wrong...have you ever realized that's probably why you call that boy your "ex"? Think, girl, think!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sleeping on a Drunken Boat
If ever you happen to be in Chiangmai and need a place to crash, check out Le Bateau Ivre http://www.bateau-ivre-cm.com/index.htm. Well-located at the heart of the inner moat, this guesthouse is spanking new, super clean and has free wifi. Some rooms have great views of Wat Chedi Luang and it's nothing short of magnificent at night. Dimitri, the owner, is a friendly Frenchman who'll make sure you're nice and comfy in his 'bateau'.
141/8 Rajadamnern Rd., T. Prasing, A. Muang, Chiang Mai 50200,
Tel: +66 053272012
Merveilleuses vacances!
141/8 Rajadamnern Rd., T. Prasing, A. Muang, Chiang Mai 50200,
Tel: +66 053272012
Merveilleuses vacances!
Don't Try to Spell Mississippi
Call me mean, but spelling anomalies give me the kicks every time I take a vacation. I mean, if you have smashed potatoes, french fried and sandwitch in your menu, how could you not?
Is your hair feeling kinky? Supaporn will fulfill all your desires! Try their unique service berounding.
Birdy- Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
Got a sweeth thooth?
Broccoli, brocoli, broccolli? Spinich or spinach? Them vegaterains are complicated.
Would you like mushel in your eggs, sir?
The French have been known to drop their letters anyway - escargot, escagot...same same.
Is your hair feeling kinky? Supaporn will fulfill all your desires! Try their unique service berounding.
Birdy- Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
Got a sweeth thooth?
Broccoli, brocoli, broccolli? Spinich or spinach? Them vegaterains are complicated.
Would you like mushel in your eggs, sir?
The French have been known to drop their letters anyway - escargot, escagot...same same.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Dark Riders
Dark Rider 1 - In case you misunderstood, the Priority Seat does not mean "first come, first served". It is meant for pregnant women, like that lady you just ignored because you were pretending to sleep. And did it occur to you that the creaking sound when the train comes to a stop might be coming from the joints of that old auntie hanging on to the railing as if her life depended on it? (and it probably does). You have 40 years ahead of you to be able to sit on a train. Give granny a break and let the remaining years of her commuting life be more comfortable. And oh. Note that your mental retardation does not count as handicap.
Dark Rider 2 - Thank you for sharing with us the story of your life. Whoever's on the other line of your mobile phone, do her eardrums a favor and keep your voice down. Or better yet, shut up.
Dark Rider 3 - In case you didn't notice, your butt is occupying two seats. Be considerate and sit properly. Otherwise, you've just conceded that you have a big ass and we should be charging you double.
Dark Rider 4 - The world is running out of space, and the 8:30 AM MRT proves that. I know you don't want to be sardined in the middle of the train, farthest from the door, but being the unbudging, inconsiderate jerk who refuses to move to the middle of the train wouldn't help you, me or that guy whose face is leaving oily imprints on the door as we speak, get to our destinations any faster. Just think of this as your daily rebirth experience - you push your way out into the world. And if you can't deal with it, stop being a douche and take a cab.
Dark Rider 5 - That curry puff you're holding is called "food". The process of putting that curry puff into your mouth is called "eating". That sign over your head that says "no food or drinks allowed" is called the "law". The person who eats despite reading the sign is called a "moron".
Dark Rider 2 - Thank you for sharing with us the story of your life. Whoever's on the other line of your mobile phone, do her eardrums a favor and keep your voice down. Or better yet, shut up.
Dark Rider 3 - In case you didn't notice, your butt is occupying two seats. Be considerate and sit properly. Otherwise, you've just conceded that you have a big ass and we should be charging you double.
Dark Rider 4 - The world is running out of space, and the 8:30 AM MRT proves that. I know you don't want to be sardined in the middle of the train, farthest from the door, but being the unbudging, inconsiderate jerk who refuses to move to the middle of the train wouldn't help you, me or that guy whose face is leaving oily imprints on the door as we speak, get to our destinations any faster. Just think of this as your daily rebirth experience - you push your way out into the world. And if you can't deal with it, stop being a douche and take a cab.
Dark Rider 5 - That curry puff you're holding is called "food". The process of putting that curry puff into your mouth is called "eating". That sign over your head that says "no food or drinks allowed" is called the "law". The person who eats despite reading the sign is called a "moron".
Friday, January 1, 2010
Who made it to the list?
Every new year, we are inundated with "the best of" and "the top of" lists of just about everything. I am guilty of succumbing to the cromo effect by publishing my own list of favorites for 2009. But since this is my blog, my space, my rules, note that this list is not open for comments and opinions. If you don't like what made it to my list, stop reading and go write your own.
1. Best Foundation and Concealer: MAC
MAC has the only foundation and concealer that don't make me look like I had an isolated face bleaching/tanning.
2. Best Breakthrough Product: Braun Cordless Curler
Curl your hair whenever and wherever! Powered by small gas cells, this curler is THE zeitgeist of the hairstyling industry. Love it, love it, love it!
*You can order it online.
3. The Best Dark Spot Remover: It's a tie! Triluma & Shiseido White Lucent
Dark spots and freckles be gone! If you're prone to acne scarring and pigmentation but cannot afford expensive dermatological treatments, give these a shot. Visible lightening between 1-2 weeks.
4. The Top Fitness Must-Have: Bodybugg
It still kills me that I cannot buy this in Asia! Bodybugg is a fitness toy that counts all the calories you burn from everything that you do. Don't get too extreme and wear this during sex - it will guarantee a spot on the floor or the sofa for the night.
5. The Best Google Product Breakthrough: Google Chrome
This was a tough decision because Google released so many great products like Android, Google Maps and Google Streetview. The one thing that sets Chrome above the rest - SPEED! I'm so spoiled by the Internet that I'm becoming a real brat when it comes to information: I want it, and I want it now!
6. The Best Shoe Store: Charles & Keith
Beautiful shoes that can never fit my size 9/10 feet have been the root of my shopping frustration. It's like finding the dress you really, really want only to find out your ass can never fit in it. But unlike your body which you can alter by losing weight, there is no chance in hell that you can shrink your feet, unless you cut off your toes. I thank Charles & Keith for exponentially increasing the number of shoes I own, and consequently, the need for a bigger shoe rack. (Now why not partner with IKEA and cut us a deal, eh?)
7. The Best Homeopathic Product: Apple Cider Vinegar
I have tried almost everything (save prayer healing) to get rid of these damn zits on my forehead and chin, until I stumbled upon an online article about a model using apple cider vinegar as part of her skin care regime. I've done crazy things before, like using mayonnaise on my hair and oats on my skin, so I figured it won't kill me to try. Every night after washing my face, I put a bit of vinegar on a facial cotton and use it as toner. The acid stung my eyes, and my face smelled sour, but I immediately noticed that my face got less oily and my pimples dried up overnight. Regular application, supplemented by apple cider vinegar tablets, put an end to my epidermal woes.
1. Best Foundation and Concealer: MAC
MAC has the only foundation and concealer that don't make me look like I had an isolated face bleaching/tanning.
2. Best Breakthrough Product: Braun Cordless Curler
Curl your hair whenever and wherever! Powered by small gas cells, this curler is THE zeitgeist of the hairstyling industry. Love it, love it, love it!
*You can order it online.
3. The Best Dark Spot Remover: It's a tie! Triluma & Shiseido White Lucent
Dark spots and freckles be gone! If you're prone to acne scarring and pigmentation but cannot afford expensive dermatological treatments, give these a shot. Visible lightening between 1-2 weeks.
4. The Top Fitness Must-Have: Bodybugg
It still kills me that I cannot buy this in Asia! Bodybugg is a fitness toy that counts all the calories you burn from everything that you do. Don't get too extreme and wear this during sex - it will guarantee a spot on the floor or the sofa for the night.
5. The Best Google Product Breakthrough: Google Chrome
This was a tough decision because Google released so many great products like Android, Google Maps and Google Streetview. The one thing that sets Chrome above the rest - SPEED! I'm so spoiled by the Internet that I'm becoming a real brat when it comes to information: I want it, and I want it now!
6. The Best Shoe Store: Charles & Keith
Beautiful shoes that can never fit my size 9/10 feet have been the root of my shopping frustration. It's like finding the dress you really, really want only to find out your ass can never fit in it. But unlike your body which you can alter by losing weight, there is no chance in hell that you can shrink your feet, unless you cut off your toes. I thank Charles & Keith for exponentially increasing the number of shoes I own, and consequently, the need for a bigger shoe rack. (Now why not partner with IKEA and cut us a deal, eh?)
7. The Best Homeopathic Product: Apple Cider Vinegar
I have tried almost everything (save prayer healing) to get rid of these damn zits on my forehead and chin, until I stumbled upon an online article about a model using apple cider vinegar as part of her skin care regime. I've done crazy things before, like using mayonnaise on my hair and oats on my skin, so I figured it won't kill me to try. Every night after washing my face, I put a bit of vinegar on a facial cotton and use it as toner. The acid stung my eyes, and my face smelled sour, but I immediately noticed that my face got less oily and my pimples dried up overnight. Regular application, supplemented by apple cider vinegar tablets, put an end to my epidermal woes.
Keep Walking
There are people we randomly meet who leave us with the most powerful and meaningful words.
Today, I was crossing Lavender Street when an old Indian man suddenly started talking to me...
Old man: It's really hot today, isn't it?
Me: Yes.
Old man: I always carry my umbrella around, but never got to use it. You know, I like walking.
Me: Me too.
Old man: I'm 70 years old, and if I don't walk, I'll be dead.
We parted ways.
At the massage salon near my place:
Masseuse: How was your massage?
Me: It was heavenly! It sucks that I have to clean up and vacuum my room when I get home.
Masseuse: Why? Don't do that to yourself. You deserve to relax.
I went home and went straight to bed.
Today, I was crossing Lavender Street when an old Indian man suddenly started talking to me...
Old man: It's really hot today, isn't it?
Me: Yes.
Old man: I always carry my umbrella around, but never got to use it. You know, I like walking.
Me: Me too.
Old man: I'm 70 years old, and if I don't walk, I'll be dead.
We parted ways.
At the massage salon near my place:
Masseuse: How was your massage?
Me: It was heavenly! It sucks that I have to clean up and vacuum my room when I get home.
Masseuse: Why? Don't do that to yourself. You deserve to relax.
I went home and went straight to bed.
It's a Hissy Fit
I was walking past the living room when I noticed that Anaconda was playing on TV. Anaconda was the most UNrealistic, UNresearched, reptile-insulting movie ever made (Crocodile, Lake Placid and Godzilla don't fall too far behind). The anaconda would probably strangle itself to death if it saw the fallacy portrayed in this movie, or even sue Luis Llosa and his minion of writers for defamation.
To salvage the anaconda's tainted reputation of being a gluttonous predator, and for the peace of mind of our ophidiophobic friends (ophidiophobia is fear of snakes), here are some facts about the large Amazonian snake:
The anaconda is a boa constrictor. They're not poisonous and does not regularly hunt humans. Their diet is mainly composed of fish and reptiles, but they also pursue birds, small mammals-deer, piccaries, and rodents on land. It will take the snake approximately 4-6 days to fully digest the food because of their slow metabolism. Anacondas are nocturnal and sunbathe in trees or shallows during the day.
Which means that the anaconda we saw in the movie was one hell of a kiasu for hoarding the food supply while the rest of her species were tanning their skins. She must be suffering from severe indigestion and constipation too for eating too many humans at once.
P.S. The movie was such a waste of Jon Voight's talent. Nevermind Jennifer Lopez whom the anaconda can devour for her bad acting.
To salvage the anaconda's tainted reputation of being a gluttonous predator, and for the peace of mind of our ophidiophobic friends (ophidiophobia is fear of snakes), here are some facts about the large Amazonian snake:
The anaconda is a boa constrictor. They're not poisonous and does not regularly hunt humans. Their diet is mainly composed of fish and reptiles, but they also pursue birds, small mammals-deer, piccaries, and rodents on land. It will take the snake approximately 4-6 days to fully digest the food because of their slow metabolism. Anacondas are nocturnal and sunbathe in trees or shallows during the day.
Which means that the anaconda we saw in the movie was one hell of a kiasu for hoarding the food supply while the rest of her species were tanning their skins. She must be suffering from severe indigestion and constipation too for eating too many humans at once.
P.S. The movie was such a waste of Jon Voight's talent. Nevermind Jennifer Lopez whom the anaconda can devour for her bad acting.
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